Over the moon…and rough landing

over the moon

Image by Vertigogen via Flickr

It’s funny how silly humans can be… Specifically, how silly I can be.

I spent a lot of time contemplating and plotting how to convince AMP that we should have children – that it was ok to renege on our ‘childless’ deal.  For a long time I was unsuccessful.  And, then suddenly, he said, ‘one day.’  And recently, we’ve narrowed it down to spring of next year, we’ll begin trying.

I should be over the moon.

And I was am over the moon.

But, once I got over that stupid moon, I think I crash landed… And not gently.

Because now, I’m also scared.

Even petrified.

Do I know what I’m getting myself into?  Am I ready for sleepless nights?  And to give up ‘just us’ time?  And naked Sundays?  (Joking about that last one – we do wear clothes, most of the time, especially when we leave the house!).

And, do I have any idea what it means to be a mother?  Watching Supernanny and helping Principessa with Mini-Principessa does not qualify me as an expert in motherhood and child rearing.  Why would the universe let me have a little teeny tiny being, and leave me in control?

These are the thoughts that run through my head these days.

No more innocent dreams of baby nurseries, and little onesies - but worries about money, breastfeeding v. formula, delivery and labor…and preschool and highschool, and everything in-between…

And, I’m not even pregnant yet…

Please tell me this is normal.

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14 thoughts on “Over the moon…and rough landing

  1. I wanted a baby for sooo long and after being told I’d never have one, I was thrilled.
    What I learned and am still learning, Don’t sweat the small stuff!!
    Don’t get sucked into all the controversaries, breast v. formula, cloth v. disposable. Do what’s right FOR YOU! Life is too short, all your baby needs from you is LOVE, and if that love comes in the form of breast feeding great, if it comes in the form of disposable diapers…perfect! Just remember that they are learning right along with you!

    • Thanks Erin. I appreciate your advice. It’s such a scary thought, bringing a little person in the world and being responsible for it… But, if the most important thing is love, then I’m sure I can do fine. I already love my little one and he/she hasn’t been conceived yet.. :)

  2. I agree with Erin… don’t sweat the small stuff. You’re perfectly normal worrying though! Even as a mother you will worry but some how everything will fall into place! Once you get through each worrisome decision, like breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, you’ll look back and wonder why it was ever such a big deal in the first place and you’ll be worrying about something else! You’ll make all the right choices for you and your baby… it’ll be perfect!

  3. You’ll always have doubts and never feel like you’re 100% ready. Everyone feels that way.

    Once you have kids your life will change but it will quickly become the new normal for you guys.

    Also, now that you’re blogging and twittering you’ll have tons of moms in your corner to dispense advice or commiserate with you.

  4. Not a mom, but I’m on your boat. I’m mainly scared of the delivery. I’m usually an optimistic person, but have been worrying about getting pregnant lately. Myabe it’s because my mom had a couple of miscarriages and I keep thinking it will be the same for me. I am scared too, but then I see my sister and friends having these beautiful, healthy babies and I think I can do it. I witnessed the birth of my niece and it was the most amazing experience ever. Erin and Kasey are right, babies just need love. My sister was freaking out about so many things and what to buy before the baby got here. Then I saw how she didn’t even use or worry about half of what she was losing sleep over. It really just fell into place! For example, my niece wanted to breastfeed and is now 6 months and still hates formula :) We were created with that motherly instinct and it works :) Everything will be just fine!

    • Hi Paulina! :) It’s so scary and daunting, isn’t it? I’m petrified of the labor and delivery – but I’m sure it’ll all be fine. Can’t help but worry though. Can’t wait for it to happen for you guys. We’re a year and a couple months away from our plan, and the great part is that AMP seems completely on board now, and doesn’t even roll his eyes anymore when I bring up baby stuff haha. :) Now, for me to actually reach my goals for the next year to make it all as perfect as possible – that’s a whole other mattter.

  5. Totally normal. Actually I believe it is a sign that you will be a great mother, you are this worried and concerned for a life that hasn’t been conceived yet. Some woman don’t think about these things at all until the child comes and they are totally unprepared. You will do great!

    • Aww, thanks Raine.. That’s so sweet of you. I hope I will be a good mom, and I’m sure that I can do a decent job – but I tend to worry way before I need to. But it’s such an awesome and huge responsibility, so I guess you’re right, it’s totally normal to worry.

  6. Oh, my. You will worry. You will worry about getting pregnant. You will worry about being pregnant! You will worry when the baby is born! And Wee ‘Burb is 14 months and I still worry. It means you’re mom material.

    You are enough. You are more than enough. And you will be that baby’s whole world. And you may never feel worthy, but you are.

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