A lecture…

We were driving home.  We had spent the last two-and-a-half-weeks together on our honeymoon.  The first time ever that we’d spent every waking moment together. 

I don’t remember why we were fighting… isn’t that the way it always is?

I know I was tired.  I wanted to be home, in our bed.  Not travelling any more.

I’m racking my brain, and I still can’t think of how we got to this… but, I remember telling AMP to shut up.

He flipped.

He told me how incredibly rude that phrase was.

That he would never ever tell me to shut up.

That you should respect someone enough to let them speak their mind…

That you should never ever tell someone to shut up…

And some other things that escape my memory at the moment.

I remember crying.  I remember being incredibly upset.  I remember apologizing.

I remember still being angry… but now chastised.

I remember thinking he was right.

It’s been almost three years, and since then, I can’t bring myself to say those words to anyone.  I try to listen when someone speaks, to give them the opportunity to speak. 

It’s been three years, and I don’t think I’ve said “Shut up”  since.

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45 thoughts on “A lecture…

    • Haha.. I think that being a mommy of a toddler makes you re-think all your word choices. I know that I’m constantly catching myself around my almost 3 year old niece, who repeats EVERYTHING that is said..

  1. It was a very good lecture indeed. The lesson is learnt. Even I am starting to think that I can’t stop thinking about what you just posted.

    I don’t say SHUT UP but I do shush my kids to silence from time to time. I have really bad mommy tendencies.

  2. I know someone who once screamed SHUT UP to her kid while he was having a tantrum. He stopped screaming, got up and said “You don’t know how to be a mother. I’m going to look for a different mother.”

    I don’t think she ever said it again either.

  3. Yes, I think it is rude too – but I know I have said it once to my baby. I was sick with the flu and not that its an excuse, but I was home alone with her and could not take one more question. I apologized immediately. It sucked.

    • I think most of the things we say that we don’t mean are said when we are at the end of our rope. It must have been hard to deal with a toddler and being sick.. I’m sure your daughter won’t even remember that.

  4. I tell people to shut up every day of life. Mostly just in my head but sometimes out loud. I don’t let The Dudes say it though. It’s rude and the only rude person in this house is me!

    • I had never really thought about how rude it was until that day. When AMP went off about how terrible it is to tell someone you don’t value their opinion, or don’t value them enough to hear them out, I really realized how bad it was.

  5. awesome response to the prompt! i love this. he is totally right. i think it is about respect – and in our marriage i’ve learned that respect is a lot more important to men than it is to us… it’s very fragile, so I do my best to not “cross the line” :)

    • Yes, I think respect is soo important in a marriage. And sometimes, we aren’t aware of what the other person views as ‘disrespectful.’ After 3 years of marriage, I definitely know a lot more about what he considers rude, and what pushes him over the edge – so I try really hard to not do those things.

    • Haha.. I used to tell my brother-in-law’s cat to shut up all the time (it meowed ridiculously loud) but only when I was the only one in the house.. And, I still kinda felt bad.

  6. I hate that I say shut up but I do, usually when I’m at my wit’s end. If I say this to my husband he gets all kinds of angry.(For the same reasons your husband did.) But I still do it, just not as much as I used to when I was younger.(I’m growing up just slowly.)

    • Growing up is such a gradual process.. Sometimes I remind my husband that I’m 6.5 years younger than him, so he should cut me some slack.. And sometimes I feel like I’m the older one in the relationship haha.

  7. Great lecture…but, the best part was that you listened. After my honeymoon, if my husband had lectured me like that, well…let’s just say that I would have said it again and followed it with a *(#@er! Yep. I was 20…

    • Haha.. I was 22 when we got married..almost 23.. And, I might be slightly in awe of my husband.. haha. I kid. He has a way of saying things that just impacts me, and after how he explained, I couldn’t have agreed more.

    • I think it’s a habit we get into… There’s lots of things I shouldn’t say, that I still haven’t struck completely from my vocabulary.

  8. It’s funny how certain phrases that I may have said casually before sound completely profane coming from a child. I don’t think I’ve said ‘shut-up’ since having children because I cannot imagine those words coming from their little mouths.

    It takes a big person to apologize and admit that he or she was wrong. You showed your husband a lot of respect in that moment.

    • I think respect is such an important part of marriage – and I try hard to show him respect. He’s pretty awesome, so usually it’s quite easy.
      And, I agree.. thinking of how the words would come out of a child’s mouth can make you stop and think about what you’re about to say.

    • Yup, I haven’t said it in almost 3 years.. I even have trouble saying “shush” or “be quiet”… haha.. His explanation really made me think.

  9. I hate saying that phrase too, it always sounds so harsh that I hate hearing myself the minute it comes out of my mouth. We were never allowed to say it growing up and I always thought my parents were being too strict. Now I appreciate why.

  10. I have a similar story about calling an ex-boyfriend stupid. I said, “that’s stupid,” or “you’re stupid,” or “don’t be stupid.” Something like that. Anyway, I got the lecture, and I’ve never used that word since.

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