I have a secret…

I have a secret…

I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone!  And I mean, ANYONE! 

I hope I can trust you with this one.

The secret is…

I have baby fever.

I’m serious.   I’ve been infected. 

I guess it’s normal given the circumstances.  We’ve been married for a year-and-a-half, my cousins have (or are having) babies, I see pregnant people everywhere I go… It’s normal.  Right?

The problem is – we agreed we were not going to have kids.  I agreed to it.  I thought it was a great idea at the time.  I still do in theory.  I have a list of reasons why we shouldn’t have kids.  They are, in no particular order:

1. My husband would have a heart attack.  And then I’d be a single mom…

2. My parents would have heart attacks.  And then my child would grow up not knowing his/her grandparents (on my side at least)

3. I’d be forfeiting my $10,000 — (To explain this one, my dad set up a ‘trust fund’ in which every year I remain childless they put in $1,000 and if at the end of 10 years we haven’t had kids, we get $10,000.  If I were to get pregnant before the 10 years are up, we forfeit all the money)

4. I love sleep – and babies and sleep don’t seem to mix

5. I love my sex life just the way it is, thank you very much

6. I can barely lose 10 pounds now… How will I ever manage to lose the baby weight?

7. Morning sickness

8. Labor —- I don’t think I can handle that much pain

9. Stretchmarks — I have enough body issues as it is

10. Babies are expensive.

I was reading this article today that discussed the cost of raising a child.  Apparently where I live, an average couple will spend around $200,000 (between $198k-$222k) to raise a child from birth to 18 years old… That’s assuming you kick them out and don’t give them a single penny after they turn 18. 

I can’t afford that… We just bought the house and we still have to finish the basement —- There’s no way.

When I finally admitted to my husband that I mayhave changed my stance on having a child, I was shocked.  He reacted a lot more calmly than I thought.  We decided that we will discuss it once we’ve been married for 5 years.  But, in my baby-fever infected state, 5 years is a long time.  And, even then, we’re only discussing it…

But, I think I freaked him out a bit, so I’ve stopped bringing up the subject.  We used to discuss baby names and our views on child rearing, but now every time we talk about it he gets a deer-in-headlights look that tells me I should definitely change the subject.

But it’s so hard. 

I dream of having a little girl… Which means that I’ll definitely have a boy.  We both want a girl – not a boy, but you can’t pick what you get.. And I’m sure I’ll love a boy the same as I’d love a girl, once I got used to the idea.  My dear husband prefers the idea of none.

I have her name picked out.  I imagine what her room will look like…

I wish they had a vaccine for this.

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