Relief

It came!

And I was actually relieved.  I knew that I wasn’t ready to get pregnant… As much as I think I want a child, it’s not something I want right now.  This was clearly evidenced by my relief at getting my period, not disappointment.  The thought of getting pregnant right now puts me into panic mode.  We have too much debt… The basement still needs to be finished… A still needs to finish school… It’s just not the right time. 

As much as I wish it would just happen so I don’t have to make the conscious decision to get pregnant, I still want the circumstances to be right.  I want it to be when we’re ready for it.  When it’s feasible for me to take 5 years off work to stay at home with our child.  When we’re not in debt.  When I’m healthier and in better shape.  When A and I have had more time together, more time to travel, more time of just us.

Maybe my goal should be to see if we can be in that place by March 1, 2013.  That’s when we’ll have been married 5 years.  I worry that 27 & 34 is too old to have a child.. But having parents that are settled and ready is probably better for a child than a parent who can pass for their sibling. 

Will I ever be able to figure this one out?

the undomestic housewife

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