Obviousness

As I’ve mentioned before, I have baby fever.  Really, really bad baby fever.  The kind of baby fever that causes me to coo at bawling infants, subscribe to dozens of ‘mommy’ blogs, watch The Mom Show and A Baby Story…That kind of baby fever – the one where rational thoughts aren’t being processed past the “I want a baby” part of the brain.

I notice every newborn, every toddler, and every pregnant woman that walks by.  Every one!

It probably doesn’t help that there are babies everywhere.

Amazingly enough, I’ve managed to keep this baby fever problem to myself.  The only people who I’ve actually admitted it to is you (the faceless persona representing the worldwide web) and my cousin J.  Mostly because I can’t seem to hide very much from my cousin…maybe because I spend a lot of time with her and her almost-2 daughter. 

I thought my husband had noticed, but the poor guy has been so stressed with school and the basement and everything else, that I’ll cut him some slack for being completely unobservant.  The only reason I even realized he didn’t know was because last night when I was begging for a puppy (note to self: stay away from the pet store!), I reminded him he promised me a puppy when I wanted a baby.  And his reply, “But we’re not there (at baby obsession stage) yet.”  Since the poor guy was trying to study for his exam while I prattled on about puppies, I left it at that.

But, it’s reassuring to know that I’m at least not being obvious.  Everyone knows I love babies, but my family (including extended) have stopped asking me when I’m going to have a baby, which for them is huge.  Maybe they just think I’d suck as a mom! 

The one rational thought that my brain does let in despite this feverish state: we’re not ready to have a baby.  I want to have a child when it’s completely feasible for me to take 5 years off to stay at home with him/her.  I want to have little-to-zero debt, not the mountain-load we currently have.  I want the basement done, and my brother-in-law already moved out of it (in my defense our bedrooms are small, and we need somewhere to put all our books!) I want to be healthy, and in shape.  I want A to be done school and comfortable in his job.  I want to be able to afford a second car…  I want A to want a child.

Clearly, we aren’t ready.

That doesn’t stop me from imagining my ‘ideal’ family: 2 girls and 1 boy.  Elizabeth, Paige and Logan.  Or maybe Elizabeth, Paige and Thomas.  The only two names I’m absolutely sure are Elizabeth and Paige.  The boy name is up in the air.  A doesn’t want boys – I think it has something to do with his not-so-perfect relationship with his own father.  And, I’d very much prefer girls…though I’m ok with a boy if he’s the youngest (not logical, but whatever!). 

I worry that A will never want to have children.  Or by the time he’s ready, we’ll be older, and we’ll have problems conceiving.  I read an article that sperm is best before men reach the age of 35.  That’s 4 years away for A. 

I worry and wish and worry and wish — and in the meantime, I keep hoping that they come up with a cure for this baby fever.

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