Green-Eyed Monster

I’m jealous.  Jealous of all these other people having babies.  Jealous of the young ones with their firsts, and the others who are on their second, or even third children (anything after 3 seems a little crazy to me!). 

I want to be a mommy too.  I want to have a little being grow inside me.  I want to feel it move and kick.  I want to cuddle it when it’s born.  I want to watch it grow from newborn to baby to toddler to preschooler and so forth. 

The desire seems to be getting stronger.  Perhaps because everyone seems to be getting pregnant.  But I’m destined for disappointment.  A will never agree to this. 

So, I’ll just bottle up these feelings and keep pretending that children are the furthest thing from my mind.. in the meantime I’m pretty sure this jealousy, this envy and desire is going to gobble me up inside.

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