Ignorance is bliss…

Yesterday, I had my gynocologist visit.  It was all going great – I got her to recommend a new birth control pill, the visit was not necessarily fun, but also not super painful either.  Everything was going along swimmingly… Until I found out that sometime in the last month or two, I’ve managed to become pregnant with my first child, and miscarry it.

I didn’t expect to be as devastated as I am about it.  After all, I didn’t know I was pregnant.  I hadn’t begun to love this little being or plan for its arrival.  I didn’t know about the baby at all, until after it was already gone.   But, I feel so sad about this little one I will never meet.  I feel like I’ve already proved to be a terrible mother – I couldn’t keep this poor defenseless child alive.  I know that’s stupid to think that way.  But I can’t help it.  I can’t help mourning the death of a little person who will never be – my little person.

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