Dear Past Love,

I am aware of your contempt for me.  You do not care for me anymore, although you once claimed to love me.  You loathe me for my perceived crimes against you.  You’ve testified against me to others.  You’ve slandered my name, all as a soothing balm to your bruised ego.

Now, the prosecution must rest, and thus I begin my defense:

I apologize profusely for loving you.  That was my mistake.  I allowed the pitiful yearnings of an immature heart to dictate my actions.  I peered through rose-colored glasses that hid the flaws others saw so well.  I imagined you to be perfect, faultless.  My heart was whole, unsoiled, and as pure as a newborn.  I saw only the good: your kindness to me, your charm, your apparent love for me.  I was enamored with your attention.  You fooled me with your facade of innocence, of purity of emotion.  You tempted me with the allure of freedom, of independence.  Worse, on a warm summer day, you drew me close and professed your love for me.

I will take my share of the blame.  I should have thrown off the rose-colored glasses.  I should have peered deeper and not accepted your perfection at a glance.  The counsel of wiser ones, I should not have tossed aside.  Perhaps, if I had distanced myself for a moment, if I had listened to shrewd direction, I would have averted heartache.

I should not have said, “I love you too.”

I was enamored with you.  I cared about you.  I apologize that my love was not sufficient for you.

You play the victim exceedingly well: the teary eyes, the strong emotion that chokes your voice and causes you to walk away, the broken heart worn on your sleeve.  I applaud your performance.  It is touching, to the untrained eye.  Only I see the calculating gleam in your eye, the hard glint of steel beneath the vulnerable appearance.

I am sorry that I am unable to mourn the end of us forever.  I know you want me to.  I have put you behind me.  I have walked away from the guilt you’ve tried to choke me with.  I have found my love.  He has picked up the pieces of the heart you shattered.  He has shown me the meaning of love, of devotion, of true happiness.

For this I must thank you, for if you had not scarred me, if you had not torn to pieces my innocent view of life and love, I would not appreciate the love I have now.

I bid you farewell.  You will forever be a part of me, a harsh lesson I had to learn, but you will never hurt me again.

Good Bye.

 

— This post is doing double duty this week.
For Sleep is for the Weak’s Writing Workshop – prompt “Escape” – I chose to write – “Write a letter to or about an old relationship you escaped from.”
And for Mama Kat’s Losing It – Prompt #5 – “What’s so good about it? Write an interesting piece of writing where the last two words are ‘good bye’.”

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13 thoughts on “Dear Past Love,

  1. Those are very powerful words. I like the fact that you had to lose a love in order to gain another. That the breaking of your heart helped you to find someone willing to mend it and love you fully.

    Thank you for sharing this perspective with us,

    • Thank you for your comments. I really do think that sometimes we have to experience the negative in order to really appreciate the true happiness that comes with love.

  2. How liberating it must have been to write this letter! This is an amazing post. It got me thinking that maybe I too, need to write a similar letter and just let it all go.

    • Thank you! It is very therapeutic. I love writing letters – even if I never send them. It always helps me to let go of issues.

    • Exactly! That’s what inspired this.. the fact that he expected me to still pining years later – because he was.. Thanks for reading & commenting :)

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