Thanks for that!

I’m not good with people. That may sound funny, but it’s true.  I’ve been burned one too many times.  And, I take from my dad – I lose patience in stupidity quite quickly.  And I have a hard time hiding when I’m annoyed.  I try.  Well, I’m trying.  I am.

Those little quirks make it hard for me to feel welcome places. I know I’m not a good conversationalist.  I know that I can be awkward.  I know I’m not good at making friends.  So, I’m always judging myself harshly.  I always think that I’ll say something stupid.  And I’m very, very, very bad at small talk.

That is why, I’d much rather spend the evening doing nothing with someone I’m comfortable with – than trying something new and exciting with someone new.  And why I have a very small circle of close friends.

My favorite person is my cousin & best friend, Principessa.  We are nine months apart and grew up very close – and have grown closer in the past two years.  I am ‘auntie’ to her little girl and spend lots of time with them both.  With her, I am always comfortable.  I don’t feel the dread of saying something wrong.  I’m happy and content.  She doesn’t make me feel stupid or unimportant because I don’t have kids. She values my thoughts and opinions and is readily available to give me advice when I need it. 

But, the other night, we were gathered together and Principessa had invited another cousin over – one who is 10 years older than us and has a 3 year-old boy.  And, let me tell you – it was made very clear that I was not welcome to join in their conversation.

Every time I would open my mouth – Other Cousin would point out – “Well you don’t have kids.”  EVERY SINGLE TIME!  I get it.  I’m very aware of the fact that I have no children.  But sorry for having questions and/or opinions!  I don’t think it’s wrong to have opinions.  I mean, I’m sure my opinions will change when (or if) I ever have children – but I don’t criticize or shut down people who think they know what it’s like to work in an office – or to be married – or to have a houseguest for an extended period of time.  I just listen. Why is that so hard? 

But, it’s not something new.  I’ve always felt like I had to catch up.  I wasn’t good enough because I was so much younger.  Then, I wasn’t dating.  When AMP and I got married, I caught up a little – but then, everyone started having kids, and now, I’m back to being the shunned one.  The one “who doesn’t get it because she doesn’t have kids.”  Thanks for that.  I’ll just go crawl away into my childless hole and stop bothering you.

This post is inspired by prompt no. 4 – Tell us about a time you didn’t feel welcome – at Sleep is for the Weak’s Writing Workshop.


8 thoughts on “Thanks for that!

  1. That really sucks. I know exactly what you mean when you say “I’d much rather spend the evening doing nothing with someone I’m comfortable with – than trying something new and exciting with someone new.” I am exactly the same although it is something which I continually try to change about myself.

    I’m sorry you were made to feel like an outsider by your cousins, it makes it so much worse when you trust the person who does this to you. I’m sure she didn’t even realise that she had made you feel bad – doesn’t make it any better but I maybe knowing it wasn’t intentional makes it less about you?

    Hugs x

    • Thank you. Principessa apologized afterwards. She could see how I was feeling, and kept trying to direct the conversation towards something I could be a participant in, but Other Cousin would have none of that. I try not to let it bother me, because Other Cousin is just like that… But it fit well in the Writing Workshop for this week, so I allowed myself to rant. Thanks for commenting. I’m working on stepping outside my comfort zone too – but it’s slow work.

  2. Awww, I know exactly how must have felt. That sucks. It happens to me all the time too. As a (again) single, no mum when amongst couples with children (also in the family) no one really every listens or taken seriously. As if you don’t count as 100% when not having a man or children yet.

    Good that your cousin tried to direct the conversation perhaps she just should have said it out loud to her other cousin. I find people who behave like that are often not aware. I like to make them:-))

    Really good post!

    • Yea.. Other Cousin plays the “poor me” card a lot. I know she’s been through a lot lately, doesn’t give her an excuse to be rude. It’s so frustrating that you seem to have to reach all these ‘milestones’ before your opinion counts. Doesn’t seem right to me.
      Thank you for reading and commenting! :)

  3. That’s just bloody rude and mean if you ask me. Steer clear of Other Cousin, life’s too short to put up with boring self-centred people like that. Aren’t Josie’s writing workshops great for prompting you to stumble across things/memories in your head!?

    • It is very rude! I don’t go out of my way to spend time with Other Cousin.. She drives both me and Principessa crazy! But, she’s family so we can’t avoid her completely.

      I absolutely love Josie’s workshops… They are amazing at getting me to look at things and work through them. Thanks for coming by and commenting! :)

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