Two of this week’s prompts made me laugh out loud… so fitting to think about the past, what with my ex-boyfriend and his wife in town, and my being thrown in their path at every opporutunity (it’s a long story!)
I’m one of those goodie girls – not sure if I’m proud of it. On the one hand, I like the fact that I’ve only kissed two guys, one of whom I married. On the other hand, perhaps if I drowned it out with a few more guys here and there, it wouldn’t be such an exclusive club – one member which I’d like to permanently erase from the club’s history. (Or, maybe, waited longer was an option – and have made it a definite club of 1).
Aren’t first boyfriends supposed to be thought of fondly? You know, with that starry-eyed, nostalgic gaze into the past?
I look at my first boyfriend – and I can’t help but wonder, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’
Dont’ get me wrong – he’s not horrible or anything. Nor did he do anything unforgivable… He had faults, but so did I. But, when I look at him now, I am so relieved that I made the choice to break up with him. I only wish that I’d never made the choice to date him in the first place.
I wish I’d shared my first ever kiss with AMP. I wish he’d been the first one I’d said ‘I love you’ to. It doesn’t matter that I was a delusional 19 year old the first time – I can never change that I uttered those words to someone else, someone who I clearly didn’t really love, someone who now is forever a part of my history.
AMP and I were talking the other day about his past… while we were each other’s firsts, he wasn’t exactly an angel in the make-out department… his list far outnumbers mine. My being a naturally curious, and somewhat on the jealous side, tried to wrest some details, but AMP said something that made me stop and think… He said, “I don’t want to relive the memories of the past, I’d rather think of you, and the memories I have with you.”
Isn’t he cute? Tidy way to get me to stop bugging him, but he has a good point – why focus on the past? Why focus on what we can’t change – even if we wish for it more than anything?
Perhaps if I could go back now, knowing how my life would end up, I would have never made the decision to date my ex… But, what good does thinking about that now?
I am happy. I have an amazing husband. I’ve made the best decision about who to spend the rest of my life with – so when the ex’s wife and mother sneak in their snide comments about how ‘oh-so-wonderful’ the ex is… I can smile and know that as wonderful as he may now be, I still married the right man.
This post inspired by prompt no. 1 at Mama Kat’s…