If I could do it over again…

Two of this week’s prompts made me laugh out loud… so fitting to think about the past, what with my ex-boyfriend and his wife in town, and my being thrown in their path at every opporutunity (it’s a long story!)

I’m one of those goodie girls – not sure if I’m proud of it.  On the one hand, I like the fact that I’ve only kissed two guys, one of whom I married.  On the other hand, perhaps if I drowned it out with a few more guys here and there, it wouldn’t be such an exclusive club – one member which I’d like to permanently erase from the club’s history. (Or, maybe, waited longer was an option – and have made it a definite club of 1).

Aren’t first boyfriends supposed to be thought of fondly?  You know, with that starry-eyed, nostalgic gaze into the past?

I look at my first boyfriend – and I can’t help but wonder, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’

Dont’ get me wrong – he’s not horrible or anything.  Nor did he do anything unforgivable… He had faults, but so did I.  But, when I look at him now, I am so relieved that I made the choice to break up with him.  I only wish that I’d never made the choice to date him in the first place. 

I wish I’d shared my first ever kiss with AMP.  I wish he’d been the first one I’d said ‘I love you’ to.  It doesn’t matter that I was a delusional 19 year old the first time – I can never change that I uttered those words to someone else, someone who I clearly didn’t really love, someone who now is forever a part of my history.

AMP and I were talking the other day about his past… while we were each other’s firsts, he wasn’t exactly an angel in the make-out department… his list far outnumbers mine.  My being a naturally curious, and somewhat on the jealous side, tried to wrest some details, but AMP said something that made me stop and think… He said, “I don’t want to relive the memories of the past, I’d rather think of you, and the memories I have with you.”

Isn’t he cute?  Tidy way to get me to stop bugging him, but he has a good point – why focus on the past?  Why focus on what we can’t change – even if we wish for it more than anything?

Perhaps if I could go back now, knowing how my life would end up, I would have never made the decision to date my ex… But, what good does thinking about that now? 

I am happy.  I have an amazing husband.  I’ve made the best decision about who to spend the rest of my  life with – so when the ex’s wife and mother sneak in their snide comments about how ‘oh-so-wonderful’ the ex is… I can smile and know that as wonderful as he may now be, I still married the right man.

This post inspired by prompt no. 1 at Mama Kat’s


25 thoughts on “If I could do it over again…

    • Aww.. glad you found your Mr. Right too! I believe that too – that the choices we made and the experiences we had are what led us to today..

  1. My first boyfriend is a fond memory so I guess I got that part right. Dumb Dad is lucky to have me and I like to remind him of that whenever possible. Guss he’s pretty ok too so things worked out. And, after reading your story I am reminded of at least one more reason why I am happy that both myself and my parenst have moved away from where I grew up: never having to see exes or their weird families again!

    • Sometimes boys have to be reminded of things like that! :)
      Glad your first boyfriend is a fond memory – I think that’s the way it should be.

    • I’ve thought that too.. If I didn’t go through the relationship with the ex I probably would have made a whole lot more mistakes with AMP – and not have appreciated how fully we are right for each other… Things happen for a reason.

  2. Wow, You were an angel in the datind department. I wish I could get rid of like ’50’ ex’s…LOL
    What you and your hubby have is special, not many people can say they married the person who was ther first everything. Good on Ya.

    • Haha… Not completely an angel – but definitely on the ‘goodie’ side – like I said, don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad… Wish AMP could have been more of my firsts, but, no point wasting breath wishing for the past – just enjoy the present! :)

  3. I had to laugh when you said you wondered what the hell you were thinking! Boy did I have a couple of boyfriends that make me think that! I’m just glad I grew up a little before I got married. I think I got lucky and somehow chose the right one, cuz boy were there some doozies in the mix! Great post! I’m visiting from Mama Kat’s!

    • Growing up is definitely important – someday I’ll have to write out the whole story about the Ex and I, but I would have married him to spite my parents, and what a mistake that would have been — Glad I came to my senses, and though I was still pretty young when I got married, I had a much better grasp of who I was and what I wanted.

  4. I’m kind of like you. My ex wasn’t a “bad” guy but he was VERY wrong for me. I’m glad I married my husband! He’s perfect for me!
    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s.

  5. Aw this is so sweet! I feel similarly about my first “boyfriend”– quotes because I broke it off after a week. He was my first kiss and I still grimace when I think about it… definitely a “what was I thinking” situation. Ugh. I’m still waiting for someone that will replace that memory.

    Great post!

  6. My husband was my first kiss and I don’t have any regrets about it. The funny thing is most people that find that out feel bad for me or something.

  7. You are so right! What good does dwelling on the past bring about….none! Most of the time you end up angry again and frustrated at yourself for what was done. Part of your pathway to your current life was mr ex! I like to call it tuition in the school of life! Have an awesome day! Thanks for the post!

  8. Nice post and your husband is right you should focus on the memories you both have together that is what I am doing now. Sometimes we then to be stuck in the past for nor good reasons but just because it is the past.

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