the downside of being married to an accountant

I think I have to stop wanting a kid.  It seems like in order for me to have a kid, I’d have to give up a lot – even more than just privacy and sleeping in and free time.  I’d have to either give up owning a house and go back to renting, or I’d have to move 4 hours away from all my family and friends, right when I’d need them the most.

I’m in a “life is unfair” stomp-my-feet, crying kind of mood.  It doesn’t seem fair that it has to be that kind of choice.  The rest of the world (or a good number of them) makes it on one salary, owning a house, and having children – why can’t I? I’d even be willing to work, if it was from home, like watching another child, or running a daycare, or do bookkeeping from home.  I just want to have my life the same – living 10 minutes away from my best friend, from my parents, and various other relatives and friends.  I don’t want to move.  I don’t even want to wait the 3 years AMP wants to wait, making me 28 and him 34.  But, then to have to wait longer than I want, and to have to give up so much – I’m not sure I can handle that. 

But that’s the downside to marrying an accountant – I should have realized that when I got married and he started making budget Excel sheets, and asking me to keep all my receipts for them to be entered – but alas, by then it was too late.  I know we have some debt – and I know that it’ll probably take another few years to pay it off.  But, I don’t see why, once it’s paid off, we couldn’t manage to live somewhat comfortably and still have a baby.  One teeny tiny little baby…

Not that I’m trying to be unfair to my husband… I can see his points, and I know he likes to plan, so I can understand where he’s coming from.  It’s not him I’m upset with – it’s life in general… The fact that houses in our area are expensive, that we bought a house that is a little too small for having kids and buying a bigger house is not something we can afford, or will be able to afford in the forseeable future. 

So, maybe I’ll just have to go back to being the woman who cries when no one is looking, who gets sad whenever she sees a pregnant woman, and who will always have that ‘one’ child she lost – the day of its loss and the day it should have been born forever etched into her memory with nothing to supplant it.

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8 thoughts on “the downside of being married to an accountant

  1. Oh My… I’m sorry you’re in such a rough spot right now. It’s tough when you and your husband aren’t on the same page especially about something so important. Getting to the compromise is a long rode but I hope you don’t keep your feelings from him. I do that a lot with my hubs and it only pushes us further apart. He sounds like a planner which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Guys worry about different things when it comes to having a family.

    I can totally understand why you would want to live close to family and friends. I’m about 3.5 hours away from everyone and it’s hard once you have a little one. You’ll need help sometimes and it’s nice to have people around you can trust. So, I would definitely stick to your guns on that one!

  2. Thanks Kasey! It’s not all his fault, I mean, I agreed originally to not having kids at all, and he’s taken the change of heart surprisingly well. I’m sure we’ll reach some sort of compromise at some point. Patience isn’t my strong point tho. I’m making sure I talk to him about how I feel – I used to be the type that kept everything inside, but I’ve learned that it only causes more problems.

  3. I hurt for you. I know what it’s like to feel the loss and to try again. I’m so sorry that you are in such a hard place right now.

    I do have one question–what is it about the baby that is expensive? Is it that you would not continue working? If it is the baby items, I could share my bargaining tips with you for free. : ) That way you could explain to your husband that having a baby really isn’t all that expensive. (This paragraph is not intended to push you in any way, more just to learn a little bit more about your husband’s hesitation.)

    • Aww, thanks Amber.. I appreciate having people who seem to understand how I feel.
      I think it’s the me not working part – something that we’re not willing to get around. We both agree we don’t want to put our child in daycare or have someone else raise them, so that would mean that I wouldn’t be going back to work till the child was in school, and that is a big strain.. I understand my husband’s point, but maybe in a couple years we’ll be at a better position to handle that.. We’ll see how it goes. I’m not too worried about baby stuff – I know it’s added costs, but I think we can manage those, and I have lots of cousins and friends who’d be willing to let me borrow/have some of their gear.

  4. This sounds like a lame comment, but I hope things look up for you. You sound like you’re in a tough spot.

    We had the opposite scenario in our family; we waited about 7 years to have our first… mainly because I was not yet ready. But finally it was the right time for us…I’m glad my husband was so patient with me.

    • Thanks! I think I’m just suffering through a bad case of baby fever.. Waiting a couple years isn’t a bad thing. I was hoping to get to 5 years marriage at least, but I wasn’t counting on baby fever being all-consuming..
      That’s awesome you’re husband was so patient! I have to say I appreciate my husband’s patience with my change of heart on the kids front.. I think I need to practice my patience.

  5. It is my personal belief that is is NEVER the right time to have a baby: you will never have quite enough money to make it viable, or quite the right house, or be at quite the right place in your careers. Children aren’t meant to start a new life, they are to be added to the one you have.
    Have you spoken to hubby about how you feel and just how much you want a baby?
    *big hugs*

    • True, and I agree, for the most part. Tho, I do understand AMP’s reasoning that if we’re ‘planning’ to have a child, we should be in the best possible place for that. We’re getting closer – he’s done school, the basement is almost finished… we’re working towards paying down debt. We might never be truly ready, but we can be closer to being ready to handle it… Though I still would love to be pregnant right now.

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