This morning, AMP asked me if I want to get a puppy. The question came out of nowhere, and seeing as he’d been resisting the idea whenever I’d mentioned it, arose some suspicion. He reminded me that he had promised that once I seriously started asking for a baby, he’d get me a puppy.
I feel bad for him. He’d do anything to make me happy, but he doesn’t want a baby right now. He told me he’s so sad because he does want us to have a child together (something he said he didn’t want a few years ago), but he doesn’t want to have one now. He has good arguments – he wants more time just us, he wants to be emotionally ready, he wants to be a little more financially secure…
When I said that I’m not sure if I really want a puppy, that I don’t think a puppy will cure me, he asked why we can’t just agree to have a baby in 4 years, when I’m 29 and he’s 35.
My arguments are:
I want to be younger, my body better equipped to handle a pregnancy. My mother had really hard pregnancies, and she was only 21 and 24. If I’m genetically disposed to be like her, it’ll be harder for me the older I get.
Also, I want my child to have the same experience I had, of having cousins close in age to grow up with, especially if we’re only going to have one child. Principessa’s husband wants them to have a second child, and Principessa and I would love for us to have one child be the same age. The problem with that is, they don’t want their children to be more than 3-and-a-half years apart, and well, Mini-Principessa is already 2-and-a-half years old.
So that’s impossible. Sure, my brother J and his wife might have kids, but knowing how baby obsessed S is, I bet it’ll be sooner rather than later.
So, if I waited till I was 29, Mini-Principessa would be 6, which would make her 8 by the time my child is a toddler… and that puts them in completely different generations.
But, as AMP says, we can’t have a baby just because our friends are having a baby. I wish I could shelve these feelings, lock them away.
Either way one of us is going to be unhappy… and as much as it kills me, I’d rather it be me… After all, it would kill me more to have AMP be anything but overjoyed when, and if, I ever get to tell him I’m pregnant.
I promise to take a break from all the depressing baby posts… I just needed to vent. On to happy thoughts…