“I am not”

She smiles, she laughes.  She dances along with the rest of the crowd.  She eats her share, she drinks her share – and the world sees nothing else.

“I’m not jealous,” she says.

“You are,” her heart aruges.

“I am not jealous nor envious,” she firmly repeats.

Her heart stares back mutely.

“I am not jealous of their happiness.  I am happy. 

I am not envious they have what I want.  I will have it one day. 

I am not jealous of their position.  I am happy. 

I am not envious of their freedom.  I will have it one day. 

I am not jealous of their lives.  I am happy. 

I am not envious of their blissful state.  I will have it one day.”

Her heart stares wordlessly.

“I am not jealous nor envious,” she screams, stomping her feet like an irritable toddler.

Her heart stares mutely.

“I am not jealous nor envious,” she whispers, a single despondent tear streaming down her face.  “I am not.”

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6 thoughts on ““I am not”

  1. I am currently reading “Villette” by Charlotte Bronte and this sounds like it’s right out of it, just in modern english :) Wonderful writing!

  2. It hurts to watch other people get what your heart desires. And that’s okay to feel pain; just don’t let it consume you and stay strong. Just know that I wish you all of the happiness in the world! ((hugs))

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