It sounds simple – do not be jealous of others, appreciate what you have.

But it’s not. 

I do appreciate what I have.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much who would do almost anything for me.  I have a loving (if crazy) family.  I have close friends who I can talk to anytime.  I have a beautiful house.  I have a decent job that pays well.  I have 2 absolutely gorgeous nieces who I love to pieces.  I have a strong faith in God and a great hope for the future. 

So the statement ‘do not be jealous’ or even ‘do not covet’ should be easy, no?

You’d think so.

But, I’ve always struggled with jealousy.  It’s the proverbial green-eyed monster sitting on my shoulder, taunting me.  And I’m struggling right now. 

I’m happy for my friends (both in real life and in the blogging world) that have recently announced their pregnancies and/or births of their beautiful tiny babies, or their intentions to create beautiful tiny babies.  Really, I am.  But, I’m also jealous.

I’m jealous that I can’t get AMP on board with the idea.  I know his points against getting pregnant right now are valid – frustratingly so.  But still, I wish it was as simple as me saying, “Let’s have a baby.” And him jumping for joy and saying, “Yes, let’s!” 

But, it’s not that simple.

At least, not for me, not for us. 

And so I will struggle with my jealousy – burying it under smiles and giggles and repeating my mantra: that jealousy is unbecoming.  And remembering that one day I may get what I want, even if the road leading to it wasn’t as simple as I wished.

This post is inspired, in part, by Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop.  Click over here to find other entries. :)



8 thoughts on “Simple

  1. It is hard not to be jealous of people experiencing the joy of pregnancy and motherhood. I’m sorry you are having a tough time with it, but it’s totally natural. I had to actively coax every Dude out of Dumb Dad (except for #1, he was a SURPRISE!) and there was always a ton of tension when I was on board and he wasn’t. Hope you guys see eye to eye soon. If he doesn’t get on board though, I suggest sweeping of the leg. It works wonders for getting people to do your bidding!

  2. Amen, sister. I am in exactly the same boat. I want, want, want another one, but the hub says no. And everyone is getting pregnant.

    That green eyed monster has a very comfortable place on my shoulder. Unfortunately.

  3. I’ve been thinking about you this week. I realize that we are in different places, as I already have two, but I understand this jealousy. In my heart, it’s the frustration that so many of my friends (is it baby season or something?) are able to have pregnancies that they don’t fear the loss every day. They will welcome that baby into their home while I only welcome pain. I can’t even read baby announcements anymore because it makes me so sad and angry. (Not at them. Never at them.)

    Yes. Jealousy. I have it.

    • Aw, Amber, yes, I think it is baby season. Everyone I see either has a newborn or is expecting – which I think is what makes this even harder than I thought it would be. It’s frustrating – and I feel much the same way as you – angry and sad – but not at them, just in general. I hate it. I feel like I’m becoming bitter. It makes me feel a bit better knowing there is someone out there who understands.

  4. Look on the brightside, he’s being honest with you. When I wanted my last (and debated on the wisdom for months) and brought it up to my husband, he said let’s do it, but he had all these huge doubts, which we could have addressed if he had been honest. And before you know it, you’ll have a baby in your arms. Trust me, time flies.

    • I do appreciate his honesty – I would be upset if he raised his doubts after the fact… Instead he’s telling me them all now, so at least I know – and I can work towards fixing the things that need to be fixed before we get knocked up, lol. Hopefully time does fly – and the husband does not change his mind in the meantime!!

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