It’s funny how silly humans can be… Specifically, how silly I can be.
I spent a lot of time contemplating and plotting how to convince AMP that we should have children – that it was ok to renege on our ‘childless’ deal. For a long time I was unsuccessful. And, then suddenly, he said, ‘one day.’ And recently, we’ve narrowed it down to spring of next year, we’ll begin trying.
I should be over the moon.
But, once I got over that stupid moon, I think I crash landed… And not gently.
Because now, I’m also scared.
Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Am I ready for sleepless nights? And to give up ‘just us’ time? And naked Sundays? (Joking about that last one – we do wear clothes, most of the time, especially when we leave the house!).
And, do I have any idea what it means to be a mother? Watching Supernanny and helping Principessa with Mini-Principessa does not qualify me as an expert in motherhood and child rearing. Why would the universe let me have a little teeny tiny being, and leave me in control?
These are the thoughts that run through my head these days.
No more innocent dreams of baby nurseries, and little onesies – but worries about money, breastfeeding v. formula, delivery and labor…and preschool and highschool, and everything in-between…
And, I’m not even pregnant yet…
Please tell me this is normal.