We were driving home. We had spent the last two-and-a-half-weeks together on our honeymoon. The first time ever that we’d spent every waking moment together.
I don’t remember why we were fighting… isn’t that the way it always is?
I know I was tired. I wanted to be home, in our bed. Not travelling any more.
I’m racking my brain, and I still can’t think of how we got to this… but, I remember telling AMP to shut up.
He flipped.
He told me how incredibly rude that phrase was.
That he would never ever tell me to shut up.
That you should respect someone enough to let them speak their mind…
That you should never ever tell someone to shut up…
And some other things that escape my memory at the moment.
I remember crying. I remember being incredibly upset. I remember apologizing.
I remember still being angry… but now chastised.
I remember thinking he was right.
It’s been almost three years, and since then, I can’t bring myself to say those words to anyone. I try to listen when someone speaks, to give them the opportunity to speak.
It’s been three years, and I don’t think I’ve said “Shut up” since.
The Undomestic Housewife 
Wow! You’re good. I say that to my hubby every now and again. This will make me re-think it!
Visiting from Mama Kat’s
Thanks Chantelle. I never thought about it that way until he said it.
I can remember telling our cat to shut up and I don’t think I’ve said it since I heard my 2.5 year old look at the cat and say “SHUT UP” opps!!!
Haha.. I think that being a mommy of a toddler makes you re-think all your word choices. I know that I’m constantly catching myself around my almost 3 year old niece, who repeats EVERYTHING that is said..
It was a very good lecture indeed. The lesson is learnt. Even I am starting to think that I can’t stop thinking about what you just posted.
I don’t say SHUT UP but I do shush my kids to silence from time to time. I have really bad mommy tendencies.
I think sometimes we do need to ask for silence – and that’s ok. It’s all about how we ask.
I know someone who once screamed SHUT UP to her kid while he was having a tantrum. He stopped screaming, got up and said “You don’t know how to be a mother. I’m going to look for a different mother.”
I don’t think she ever said it again either.
Wow. The kid must have been an older to respond that way. That’s pretty intense.
Actually, I think he was 3 then. Sometimes it’s really shocking how much older your kids can act than they really are.
That’s great you learned a lesson! I don’t use those words either–just not nice.
Stopping by from writer’s workshop. Here’s a link to ours if you get a chance to visit:
http://zemeks.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-are-you-going-to-do-clean-trash.html
I never used it often, but I definitely have not said it since.
Yes, I think it is rude too – but I know I have said it once to my baby. I was sick with the flu and not that its an excuse, but I was home alone with her and could not take one more question. I apologized immediately. It sucked.
I think most of the things we say that we don’t mean are said when we are at the end of our rope. It must have been hard to deal with a toddler and being sick.. I’m sure your daughter won’t even remember that.
Oh, there are so many phrases I wish I could banish from my vocabulary. “Shut up” is probably top of the list
Visiting from Mama Kat’s
I know, I have a list of words I should still banish from mine.
I tell people to shut up every day of life. Mostly just in my head but sometimes out loud. I don’t let The Dudes say it though. It’s rude and the only rude person in this house is me!
Haha… I still say it in my head sometimes too.. It’s hard to break that habit completely.
Shut up has always been a sore spot for me. My ex would say it and id go off. I agree, I hate it way more than swears
I had never really thought about how rude it was until that day. When AMP went off about how terrible it is to tell someone you don’t value their opinion, or don’t value them enough to hear them out, I really realized how bad it was.
Getting lectured always makes me feel about an inch tall, whether or not it’s deserved.
YES! I particularly hate it from my husband, I need to remind him that he is a partner to me not a parent!
I know. It’s a sucky feeling.
awesome response to the prompt! i love this. he is totally right. i think it is about respect – and in our marriage i’ve learned that respect is a lot more important to men than it is to us… it’s very fragile, so I do my best to not “cross the line” :)
Yes, I think respect is soo important in a marriage. And sometimes, we aren’t aware of what the other person views as ‘disrespectful.’ After 3 years of marriage, I definitely know a lot more about what he considers rude, and what pushes him over the edge – so I try really hard to not do those things.
I use shut up a lot! But I direct it at the neighbor’s barking dog. Is that still rude??
Haha.. I used to tell my brother-in-law’s cat to shut up all the time (it meowed ridiculously loud) but only when I was the only one in the house.. And, I still kinda felt bad.
This is a great response to the prompt and something I should probably remember. I don’t use it often but I do use it!
Thanks. It’s definitely something I’d never thought about before that…
I hate that I say shut up but I do, usually when I’m at my wit’s end. If I say this to my husband he gets all kinds of angry.(For the same reasons your husband did.) But I still do it, just not as much as I used to when I was younger.(I’m growing up just slowly.)
Growing up is such a gradual process.. Sometimes I remind my husband that I’m 6.5 years younger than him, so he should cut me some slack.. And sometimes I feel like I’m the older one in the relationship haha.
Great lesson! I don’t think I say that… not that I can recall any way. Now I’m sure I’ll stop myself if it’s about to come out.
Thx for visiting 3MomsIn1.com today! So glad it’s almost the weekend! :)
Me too! Can’t wait for the weekend to be here. Thanks for coming by.
Great lecture…but, the best part was that you listened. After my honeymoon, if my husband had lectured me like that, well…let’s just say that I would have said it again and followed it with a *(#@er! Yep. I was 20…
Haha.. I was 22 when we got married..almost 23.. And, I might be slightly in awe of my husband.. haha. I kid. He has a way of saying things that just impacts me, and after how he explained, I couldn’t have agreed more.
I wish I could say the same. I don’t say it to my spouse, but I say it to my kids on occasion.
I think it’s a habit we get into… There’s lots of things I shouldn’t say, that I still haven’t struck completely from my vocabulary.
It’s funny how certain phrases that I may have said casually before sound completely profane coming from a child. I don’t think I’ve said ‘shut-up’ since having children because I cannot imagine those words coming from their little mouths.
It takes a big person to apologize and admit that he or she was wrong. You showed your husband a lot of respect in that moment.
I think respect is such an important part of marriage – and I try hard to show him respect. He’s pretty awesome, so usually it’s quite easy.
And, I agree.. thinking of how the words would come out of a child’s mouth can make you stop and think about what you’re about to say.
We say it a lot just joking, but probably shouldn’t. Something to work on before the baby comes… lol
Lol.. :)
A baby.. how exciting! Congratulations.
Wow, never said it since? That’s powerful.
I agree that it is not a “nice” phrase, but I admit that I do say it on occasion.
Yup, I haven’t said it in almost 3 years.. I even have trouble saying “shush” or “be quiet”… haha.. His explanation really made me think.
I hate saying that phrase too, it always sounds so harsh that I hate hearing myself the minute it comes out of my mouth. We were never allowed to say it growing up and I always thought my parents were being too strict. Now I appreciate why.
I have a similar story about calling an ex-boyfriend stupid. I said, “that’s stupid,” or “you’re stupid,” or “don’t be stupid.” Something like that. Anyway, I got the lecture, and I’ve never used that word since.
I try not to say “Shut up”. I really do. But sometimes my kids drive me to it and the words fly out of my mouth.