Before I got married, I had these ideas.  I had ideas of what married life would be life.  I had ideas of how I would be as a wife.  I had ideas of how we would be as a couple.

Before I got married, I thought we would sleep every night cuddled up – like you see on the movies, or on mattress commercials.  I thought we’d fall asleep each night spooning, and wake up in each other’s arms.

On our wedding night, I realized that sleeping close to a person is not my thing.  I can remain cuddled up to AMP for about ten seconds before I need to shift around or flip my pillow over to the cold side.  I drive the poor man crazy.  In the 3 years we’ve been married, I’ve only managed to fall asleep cuddled to him and wake up that way twice, both occasions being mid-afternoon naps…

Before I got married, I thought I could handle being a great housewife.  That I would have a cleaning schedule that I would stick to, that I would learn to cook fabulous, well planned meals.  That I could become a morning person like AMP.

In the first year of marriage, I realized that I suck at domesticity.  Although I’m decent at cleaning, I can’t stick to a schedule and am always having to do major clean ups as I’ve left things around me to fall into complete disarray.  I realized that cooking is not my area of expertise, at all.  I realized that for me being a morning person is impossible.  That I need 2 to 3 hours of sleep more a night than AMP – and waking up is never something I’ll do ‘gracefully.’

Before I got married, I thought we’d be the couple who got up together every morning and had breakfast together.  I thought we’d be the couple who ate dinner sitting at the table.  I thought we’d be the couple who did everything together and exuded love and happiness.

In our three years of marriage, I realized that having breakfast together every morning requires me giving up sleep that I desperately need.  So we have breakfast together most weekends, but never during the week.    We eat dinner while watching television.  And, while we do a lot together, we definitely don’t do everything together.   

Before I got married, I thought marriage should be a certain way.

In three years I realized everyone’s marriage is different… and what we have works for us. 

Before I got married, I thought I would never love AMP more than I already did.

In three years I’ve realized that I fall a bit more in love with him every day.


10 thoughts on “Before

  1. Oh, I love this! Have you been hanging out at my place?

    I am so like this, especially on the sleeping issues. Hubby can manage on a lot less than I can, and I canNOT stand anything/one touching me when I am trying to sleep.

    We don’t have a lot of time together but we do try to be as “together” in the time that we do have as possible. We don’t have a tv though.

    And yes, the most important thing is that the longer you’re married the better it gets. You love each other more, need each other more, and have a lot less disagreements (I guess that last one is dependent on the couple though, but hopefully that’s the case for more people!).

    • I agree. We do argue less. I’ve learned to be less sensitive and realize that sometimes he’s just teasing. He’s learned to be more careful what he says. So, we argue a lot less over silly things. I’m sure if we continue to work on our marriage constantly, it’ll only get better from here! :)

  2. Ahh, yes. The reality of what marriage is vs. what we expected it to be. I remember having those realizations. Some of them I have only really accepted recently. Now that I’m over 30 and on my second marriage. Ahem.

    I think you’re right tho…the love continues to grow. And your relationship? Is yours. And only needs to make the two of you happy. That one? Is one of the tougher ones to figure out…at least it was for me. ;)

    • Society and the entertainment world portray such a skewed view of marriage that it’s hard to accept some of the realizations we encounter when we actually go through it!
      I did, and sometimes still do, have trouble with the idea that each marriage is different. I will pick out certain things from other people’s marriages that I’m envious of. But, I think that’s a natural part of the fact that we aren’t perfect, and the grass always looks greener somewhere else. But, I remind myself that everyone is different and sometimes things aren’t quite as they seem on the other side of the field.
      But being head-over-heels in love with my husband really helps the most – because that’s what always reminds me that our marriage is perfect for us! :)

  3. Oh this is lovely. I am AMP in our relationship I need much less sleep than Mr L he is in bed by nine pm most nights I can survive on five hours sleep easily. So am always up late on my own.

    However that is when I do my cleaning, to make myself look like the domestic goddess when I really am not! There are perks to these things.

    I think whatever works is good, my parents have two seperate rooms for their evenings. Mum sits in one dad in the other. They always go to bed together, and always eat together apart from that they spend the rest of the evening apart. It works for them and they have been married 31 years! xxx

    • I know I would get lots more done (like cleaning and exercising) if I was willing to give up some sleep. And, every week I make the determination to do so – but then, the bed is just so warm and comfy.

      I agree – everyone’s marriage is different, and as long as it works for them, that’s good. 31 years is awesome! My parents celebrate 27 this year :)

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