Stolen

She walked in the house and ran up the stairs.  She did not want to deal with her parents.  She did not want to answer questions about her whereabouts, if she’d seen Bob.  She just wanted to be alone.
She walked in her room and stopped.

Something was wrong.  Her bed was slightly askew, as if someone had moved it.  She looked around and could see everything was slightly out-of-place.  Her jewelry, her money had not been touched, so not a robbery.  She must be going crazy.  Paranoid.
Perhaps.

She raced to the bed, and reached her hand under.  She moved it back and forth, searching.  Desperately grasping.  She kneeled down further, so she could see.

There was nothing.

It was all gone.

The pictures of her and Bob, the gifts he gave her.

Her journal, private thoughts no one had the right to read.


Stolen.

Her privacy.

Stolen.

Her trust.

Stolen.

Leaving only a message cruelly imprinted in her brain – trust no one.
This post is my first real attempt to join in at The Red Dress Club.
The prompt was: Someone has stolen something from you (or your character). Something of tremendous value. What will you do to get it back? Or will you give up?
Please let me know what you think, improvements that could be made, etc.   I’m not sure if I’m 100% in love with it, but I wanted to post anyways, because if I wait till something’s perfect, I might never join in, haha.  :)  So, I would love any and all constructive criticism.
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16 thoughts on “Stolen

  1. Wow, and I thought this has only ever happened to me; that NO ONE in the world would feel just in taking one’s journal. Stunning how many of us wrote about this.

    I felt tha pang in my stomach as she was incapable of finding her things; searching frantically!
    Great post
    ~d

  2. I want to hear more… I fear that Bob was bad news, and her parents just did what was necessary. A violation of trust? Perhaps. But maybe she’ll realize one day that her parents did what they had to do in order to protect her!

  3. I really liked this and agree with those above…I want to know more…

    Two things:

    As a teenager, I would never have suspected a robbery…it would either be a sibling or parents.

    There needs to be SOMETHING indicating WHY her parents would have done that. Some memory she had, some indication of who Bob is (an older man perhaps?)

    • Thank you Selena. I appreciate your comments and advice… I should add some more detail about Bob and why my parents hated him. And, the robbery thing – I remember thinking that the first time my parents went through my stuff… But I probably didn’t that time. You’re right, parents would have been the more obvious thought.

    • Thanks Lisa. It’s non-fiction, but I’m considering doing some editing after all your wonderful comments and advice to make it a little more explanatory. :)

  4. I thought this was great, but it didn’t seem complete – you told us what was stolen but then the story ended.
    It was so passionately written that I’m dying to find out what she did about it! Did she confront her parents? Did she cry? Did she run away?
    My mother actually did this to me as a teen and went so far as to go to my high school and tell the principal she thought I was on drugs (I wasn’t) in order to find journals I had in my locker.
    I thought this was great for your first post for TRDC. I just joined last month & I am enjoying it immensely.

    • Aww, that’s absolutely horrible.
      This is non-fiction, and it did happen to me at 17. I’m totally non-confrontational so I didn’t confront them, but I was incredibly upset. Running away an option I considered, but ultimately discarded. As, I said to The Lovely One, I understand what my parents were trying to do, the motivation behind it, but even 8 years later, I completely disagree with their methods.

    • Thank you Jessica! I really appreciate that, especially from such a great writer like yourself. After all the encouragement, I think I will share more of my story :)

    • Haha.. I will tell more of that story. Funny, I was just thinking of you the other day. How are things? How’s your baby plan coming along, haha?

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