Mrs. WorryWart

there's no need to worry this is just a vacation

Image by Robert Bruce Murray III // Sort Of Natural via Flickr

My husband and I have a lot of common… but we’re also very different in some ways.

One big way we’re different: our thoughts on planning and the future.

I like planning.  I like knowing what is going to happen, or what might happen.  I like having a plan in place, especially when we’re talking about major life changes, such as buying a house, or having a child…. Or even things like future vacations.  I like talking about the plan.  I worry and fuss, but it helps me to pass the time and think a little less about how impatient I truly am.

AMP’s most common response to my talking is, “that’s a long ways a way.”  It doesn’t matter if it’s a month or six months or five years away – most of the time I get the same response.  Which is fine.  Everyone is different.

But, then all these thoughts and questions get stuck swirling around my head, to drive me crazy. 

Like now.

Months and months ago, AMP agreed that we could start trying for a baby next spring.  Originally with the thought of a January baby; however, the more I read blogs and articles I realize that getting pregnant may not be as ‘easy’ as I may have originally thought.  So, I have all these worries swirling around: what if it takes me a year to get pregnant?  What if I miscarry again?  What if I can’t get pregnant?  How far are we willing to go to have a baby? 

And I’m sure if I insisted, AMP would talk about it, but it would be so under duress that it’ll just get me more frustrated.

So, next month I’ll speak to my gynecologist about my plans to get pregnant next spring and ask her questions like, how far in advance should I get off the pill, how can I ready my body for a pregnancy, etc.  At least someone will be willing to give me answers.

How are you and your husband different?  How did your husband feel about starting a family?

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14 thoughts on “Mrs. WorryWart

  1. As someone who went through months and months and months of fertility treatments to get pregnant, I really believe that they come when they are ready. Enjoy the time that you have right now. Lazy Sundays. Dinner out with friends at a moment’s notice. Weekend trips.

    The rest will come.

    • Hi Michelle… I do enjoy the moments we have now. And when we are just lazing around I often do think about how it won’t be the same when we have kids. I wish there was a snooze button for this overwhelming desire I have. If I could make myself stop wanting it so bad, I would… But I can’t. I’ve tried. :(

  2. Oh my… we are so much alike! I can totally relate. Fortunately my FFPHusband is responsive to needing to “talk”. While I am the one to plan (like you), he is much more of the What will happen will happen when it is supposed to happen…meanwhile, I am thinking where will the baby sleep?!

    Also, my husband is Samoan and typically they do not use birth control…my SIL has 7 children. When my husband and I first talked about kids (pre-marriage) he said: “I’ll take 12 or 14 please.” More on that later. :)

    • AMP has to be in the right mood. Like last night, I finally got him to talk a little – I wanted to know when he was willing to start trying so I can discuss it with my doctor next month, and he willingly answered.
      Goodness.. 12 or 14?!? Man, my limit is 3. And even then, more like 2.

  3. I’m the younger in our relationship by four years, and the oldest of five children. I’ve cared for babies since before I was old enough to know where they came from. My maternal instincts have gotten lots of practice, and I have a good understanding of the quantity of dirty diapers and loss of sleep we’ll experience, from helping my mom.

    That said, Hubby was the first to catch the “baby bug.” While I’d like to have a few (three-ish) of my own, I’m content to let them come when they’re ready. I’ve discussed it with the doctor, have started taking vitamins, and have started to cut back on alcohol and caffeine. He, on the other hand, is frantic about making major life changes right now to accommodate a family we haven’t technically started yet. I guess between the two of us we have all our bases covered, and I’m pretty lucky to have a guy who I know is committed to our family. In the meantime, I’m with Michelle: enjoying lazy evenings and weekends, being able to do what I want to do on a moment’s notice, and I appreciate that when I clean my house, it stays that way for awhile. Like, until Hubby comes home. ;)

    • I’m a big fan of lazy evenings and weekends, so I am enjoying those. Though we have such a busy schedule already that it feels like we are running around all the time… or at least I am.
      My husband definitely does not have the “baby bug” which makes it harder for me. But, every relationship is different. :)

  4. My husband never worries about things that aren’t here. I mean, he worries obsessively over the baby now. But he never worried that we wouldn’t get pregnant, or that I would miscarry, or anything would be wrong. So it was me that had to voice all the what-ifs so I would know. How long would we try? How many tests will we do to determine if the baby has anything wrong, and what’s “wrong” in our book, what can we handle? In the end, he was actually really interested in answering the stuff, he just didn’t have those thoughts racing through his head.

    • That’s a good point Stephanie, thanks. I know that AMP thinks about a lot of things I just don’t think he feels the need to talk about as obsessively as I do haha. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. :)

  5. I’m definitely a planner as well. While I ultimately believe that things happen the way they’re supposed to? I don’t really like surprises…unless they’re presents. ;o)

    It’s funny, but there’s a lot more to “think” about when you’re trying to plan a baby. The accidents are a lot less effort in the upfront…trust me on this. LoL

    While my husband is also a planner, he can “wing” things a lot better than I can. I usually try to do as much thinking & planning as I can on my own & then just approach him with the “short” version later. That way it doesn’t seem like I’m barraging him with questions and plans. Hehe :)

    • I know! It would be so much easier on my mental sanity if we just ended up pregnant without me planning obsessively and worrying about conceiving as well as all the other worries that come along with bringing a baby into this world.
      I think I’m going to try that though to just approach with my husband with the “short” version.. :) That’s good advice WTH! :)

      • Heh. No problem. :) Also? My husband has a very limited attention span. And I get grumpy if my planning talk takes longer than his attention span can handle. Better to give him the “Reader’s Digest” version & not be grumpy with him. LoL

      • Haha. Very true. My husband’s attention span is ok as long as sports aren’t on and his iPhone is not in the room :P

  6. My regular doctor told me to start trying right after getting off the pill. While it’s not really recommended, he promised the baby would be fine, and he noticed that the first month off of the pill the women would blink and get pregnant. It worked for us three times. Just a thought.
    Oh and I am sooooo a planner. I get “grumpy” if my plans don’t happen exactly like I planned. Even if it’s the weather that has ruined my plans. I’m trying to learn to have plan B, C, D.

    • Hm… I want to look more into why some doctors advise you to wait – clearly it’s not absolutely necessary since tons of women have perfectly healthy babies while on the pill. I’m making a list of questions for my gyno appointment next month tho. I don’t want to get off too early and get pregnant right away – I’m hoping we can go to Europe in the spring to visit family, and I don’t want to travel with morning sickness.
      I’m pretty grumpy too when plans don’t work out – especially when I’m trying. Unfortunately I always seem to be getting sidetracked.. which means I never reach my goals.

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