Growing Your Family (Guest Post)

I’m so excited today to introduce to you my first ever guest blogger, Leah from Far From Perfect MaMMa.  Leah is a mom to an almost one year old daughter “Pule” and step-mom to a 17-year-old daugther.  She’s new to the blogging world and talks about motherhood, marriage to a Samoan husband, and raising a bi-racial daughter, among other things.  Please make her feel welcome :)

Growing Your Family

Thank you to the Undomestic Housewife for this opportunity to be a guest on her blog.  Us blogger MaMMas must unite and support one another!  Stay tuned, she may make an appearance on my blog as well!

This is one of those blogs where I know what I want to say, but I am not sure how to start. Okay, I think I will start with just introducing myself to you as I am new to most of you.  I also don’t like long blogs, I tend to avoid them myself.  I am warning you, so go refill your coffee, tea, wine, drink of choice. I can wait!

Just a month ago I started blogging.  Mostly because I am not good at keeping a journal for my “Pule” (just-turned-1, baby girl).  I have one , but only have about 5 entries for one year.  NOT GOOD!  That is what started me thinking about blogging.  I am a WAHM and am on the computer almost 70% of my work day.  I also realized that I may have quite a bit to say in regards to raising a bi-racial daughter, as well as being a step-mom for a 17 year old daughter.  The cultural differences between Americans and Samoans is quite vast.  Fortunately I had spent some time living in Hawaii, as well as spending time with my parents in New Zealand with the Maori.  The Pacific Island cultures are all different, but similar in many ways too.  Their large families are only one small representation of their large hearts.  Very giving and rich people.  Not with money, but with love.
 
My “MM” (husband) and I discussed having children before we were married.  His sister had 6 children at the time (now 7) and I knew small families were hard to come by.  Birth control was not really something they considered.  I was already 36 when we married so I knew that if we were going to do something it shouldn’t be something to take our time with.  I was at a place in life where I had given up the idea of being a mom as I was not sure if I would ever be a wife.  I had become quite happy with my independence, Thank you very much.
 
We both agreed that while MM would take 12 or 14 sets of little legs running around, I would prefer to not have any.  We would wait for a year after getting married before we would talk about it.  We are people who trust in God and when the one year mark passed we did just that.  I was okay with allowing God to take control, so I let go of the control.  You can read more about that here if you would like. 
 
I have been fortunate that not many people have asked me if there will be more.  I am not ready to answer that.  I will say that about 6 months ago I was certainly at the point of  “I’m done!”.  For quite a variety of reasons: after birth complications, painful sciatica during my pregnancy, fears…upon fears…upon fears (more on that later), and finances.   And of course the question remained…is having another baby even an option physically for us?  That last one is easy as it is not in our hands to control.

What are my fears? 
·         The next one will be a terror.  I have a perfect baby right now(emphasis intended), don’t disrupt that!
·         I can barely handle one, now I should consider the responsibility of two? Hmph!
·         The after-birth issues. At the time, these seemed to be more of an issue that the pregnancy. I wont go into the gory details here, but I had a hard time with a variety of issues.
·         Finances. Can we afford it? Being a SAHM trying to build my business as a WAHM is slow going and will be even slower with two!
·         What it all sums up into: THE UNKNOWN (thank you MM for reminding me)

Have you been at this point? What did you do?

Sacrifice. That’s what it really comes down to. The fact that I told myself a long time ago, if I have one I will have more.  More for their sake than for anything else.  I would also do it for my husband.  He would love to have a boy. 
 
If  I step back…hold on a second cause I cannot keep typing and step back at the same time…and look at my fears from a distance….Oh yea, thanks for the reminder: they are only a phase, a small portion of time that will morph into another season of time.  Isn’t this how life works?  Why am I being so fearful and selfish about it?  Okay, here comes the guilt. Blah!  Here is my other reminder: Marriage and having children are the only two permanent things in life (at least in my perspective).  Those fears above are not.  Get over it MaMMa.
 
In case you are wondering…we still haven’t decided to pull the plug (LITERALLY!), and if you know me/us …sorry, no big announcement…
 
Thank you again Undomestic Housewife for this opportunity.  We are both new to the blogging world and welcome your comments/thoughts/luv.  Being open and honest is a very vulnerable thing.  Sort of like undressing yourself.  We do it for the benefit of you, our faithful readers. Maybe you have been encouraged to know you are not alone.  I know I was!  Please stop by and introduce yourself.  Would love to meet you: Far From Perfect MaMMa.

Thank you for being my first guest-poster Leah.  Please go visit her site now and welcome her to the blogging world. :)

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3 thoughts on “Growing Your Family (Guest Post)

  1. It is always a difficult decisions when trying to decide whether or not to have another baby. One thing I learned is that you will always be able to find reasons not to. Sometimes you just have to look past those reasons and commit to growing your family (if that is what you want to do).

    • Thanks Jessica, it can be a hard call, but yes I agree. The time will never be just right. I want to be a responsible parent though and want to make sure that emotionally I am ready. Appreciate the comment!

    • I think making the choice to start a family (or grow one) is a difficult one no matter what. That step is a huge, life-altering step. But, like you said, there will always be reasons not to, and sometimes a choice just has to be made.

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