There’s no ‘supposed to’

English: Silhouette or a pregnant woman and he...

English: Silhouette or a pregnant woman and her partner. The woman is in advanced pregnancy at about 39 wks gestation. The flickr photographer reports that this is an edited image. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last night, I made a passing attempt at seducing my husband.

Honestly, I knew it wouldn’t work.  He’s still getting over his crazy cold – which means he’s not sleeping well, so after a 9.5 hour workday, a little shopping and driving out to buy more fish stuff, he was exhausted.

So, yes, it didn’t work – which is fine.

I can take a little rejection here and there.

A few minutes later, he paused the show and asked me if it was a day we were ‘supposed to’ because if it was, then we definitely could.

And, I have to say I loved him for being willing – especially since when we first got married, kids were not going to be part of the equation.

But, it also kind of stung.

Even though I know that the average couple takes 6 months to get pregnant, I naively thought that we’d decide and we’d be pregnant soon after.  Even after the miscarriage – I figured if we could get pregnant while I was on the pill – what would be so hard about getting pregnant when we were actively trying.

I don’t want sex to be a chore.  Something that has to be done.  Something that is planned.

Right now, baby making should be all about the fun.

Which would be easy if I didn’t have an obsessive personality and if I could keep myself from tracking days…We haven’t been trying for very long and I’m already being ridiculous…

But, on the other hand, I don’t want to get caught up in the day-to-day craziness of life and miss the window of opportunity for the month.

Uggh.. Guess I can’t have it both ways.


2 thoughts on “There’s no ‘supposed to’

  1. I’m back! I finally caught up on al your posts. It’s been crazy around here! Gongrats on your new phone and all the fun stuff you’ve been doing! We went to NY in October and I got to go see my family in Dominican Republic in November. Needless to say, no baby here either. Don’t worry, we’ll get there. My husband and I discussed it at length and we will be trying this month even if it’s not “fun” and when we’re supposed to. Oh well, something has to be done. I found out yesterday that my cousin (who is like my brother) and his wife are expecting. I’m over the moon for them! But I want to say the same myself. PATIENCE for you and me :)

    • Patience is soo not my strong suit (maybe I should re-read the December mags lol).
      Welcome back! Glad you had a great time and got to visit with family.
      We had the same discussion – next month we’ll be trying to follow the dates better. I tried explaining to my husband that I don’t want to have to say “we have to tonight” but he said I’m just being silly..
      Congrats to your cousin! We have several ppl in the cong expecting again – I’m happy for them – and trying to ignore my impatience for myself. It’ll happen when it happens I guess. So hard because I have absolutely no control in it.

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