Change

I’ve written and re-written this post a dozen times.  I just can’t seem to get the right thought across.

I’m not a fan of change.  In fact, I fear change.  Even when I’m absolutely positively sure I want something, I’ll talk myself out of it, while hyperventilating at the thought of the havoc it would wreak on my current life.  Like getting a puppy – I say I want one, but in reality, I’m not sure I could handle a puppy.

So, what makes me think I can handle a baby?  And why is it that, even though having a baby is the most all-consumingly life changing decision we could ever make, it does not send me looking for a paper bag to breathe in?

I like my life.  I like the pattern of my days, but I want a baby.  Perhaps it’s part of the quarter-life crisis?  But it’s one change in my life I feel ready to make, emotionally.

Am I ready in any other way?  Probably not. 

While there are only really two things in my life I would currently change, they are both important factors when it comes to having a baby.  The basement has to be done, that’s non-negotiable.  And, at the rate it’s going, we’ll be lucky if it’s done even by the end of this year.

And, we need to be out of debt.  And, it’s not happening any time soon.  Actually the past two months we’ve managed to get ourselves further in debt by buying anniversary presents for parents, AMP’s school & certification fees, and well, the basement.

And, well, AMP needs to be on board, which might happen if those two other conditions were met.

So, we’re not ready for this life-change. 

But, I am.

 I am finally ready for the biggest change in my life ever, and the one change I don’t want to run away from, is the one I worry will never happen.

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15 thoughts on “Change

  1. Mama’s always know. Babies are always good news and there is absolutely no way to prepare yourself totally. Oh, yeah, and it is never the right time to have a baby until you have one. Good luck! I have 5 and love each and every one of them!

    • Lots of moms have told me that, and I agree, but I know that we can be at least better prepared than we are now… And the husband isn’t completely against us having kids, he’s asking for me to wait a little longer, but patience has never been a strong suit for me.
      Thanks for stopping by Stef.. You have a gorgeous family! :)

    • Yea, there is a certain comfort in the suckiness over the unknown. I’m glad there’s someone else who feels the same way.. :) Thanks for stopping by Michelle.

  2. I have two and I’m still not ready! That’s probably not good news for those little people though, is it?

    I applaud you taking the time to be better prepared though – we were young, stupid & broke and I imagine it would have been a much simpler process to get on our feet had we done that before the baby. It’s doable after but I have to think simpler before.

    Oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog today!

    • Your comment made me laugh. I’m sure you’re doing great with your little poeple!
      Everyone keeps telling me that you’re never truly prepared, which I agree with, but I think that at least trying to be prepared is worth a shot. Plus, it’ll be easier then to swing my husband to my side of the fence, haha.

  3. I said the same things to my husband. We need to get the landscaping and house painting done, and get out of debt. I realized that life was happening and things just weren’t happening. I realized that I would make this a goal, but would do it all with a baby on my hip.

    Another commenter said there is never a right time to have a baby and it is so true. When it happens you make it the right time.

    Goodluck!

    • Thanks Amanda! Life does seem to get in the way of all the goals we try to make, doesnt’ it? And, I want to have a child before I’m 30, so I already have a 5 year deadline in the works, so we’ll see what happens..

  4. I’ll give you a little tip. If you are as undomesticated as I am, breastfeed your kid. It is bliss I tell you. No getting up in the middle of the night to make bottles. A huge amount of work will be cut out and you’ll be able to rest and not feel guilty about it. It so totally worked for me, four kids and all. But get proper information from La Leche League beforehand to help you get the best out of it….

    http://greatttt.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/chngeww/

    • I totally plan on breastfeeding if I have a child, for as long as I can. It’s so much better for the child, and great bonding time. Hopefully I can breastfeed, my mom wasn’t able to breastfeed for longer than 3 months with me or my brother, because she wasn’t producing enough milk.

  5. There is never a perfect time. You know why? Cause WHENEVER it happens it is going to completely turn your life upside down! There isn’t some kind of scale of life-changing, it’s just life changing. Simple as that.

    Welcome to the greatest adventure you’ll ever embark on! And wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world. It’s going to be WONDERFUL :-)

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