waiting…

There’s no reason for me to think anything is going wrong with this pregnancy… I’m 9 weeks along, have had no spotting, no severe cramping.. Although some of my symptoms come and go, they don’t disappear completely.

But, still.. I worry.

I think worrying is a part of life now.

I was excited about getting to 12 weeks – because I thought that would be my first scan… Turns out that unless you have no idea how far along you are (which unfortunately is not the case with me), you don’t get a scan till between 18 to 20 weeks.

So, instead of having only a few more weeks to wait, I actually have 11 weeks to wait.

So, now I’m just hoping baby will cooperate and let me hear his or her heartbeat at my next midwife appointment, scheduled for May 3rd.

 

 

And…

I’m pregnant!

I was thinking of finding some super cute way of announcing it – but honestly, I’m so exhausted and nauseous that it took me this long to even get to those two words.

I’ve announced it to most of my family, and a few close friends, and the rest of the world is subject to just speculating until I get to 12 weeks (only 4 weeks away!!)

Baby due November 2013. :)

(I’ll be back soon to bore you with details)

Old School Blogging

In following Shell’s footsteps, I’m participating in ‘Old School Blogging’…

Basically, it’s those blog tags where you had to answer a certain amount of questions and tag other people – something that I used to do by e-mail, during class, while the teacher wasn’t paying attention..

So, here it goes:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

10 years ago, I was finishing up my last year of high school, dating my first-ever boyfriend, and enjoying the easy life where mom and dad gave me spending money in exchange for chores and I didn’t have to work.. I was pretty spoiled!

What 5 things are on your to do list?

1. Pick out and buy a dining room table
2. Finish our basement completely
3. Paint our bedroom
4. Walk 20k a week for 3+ weeks
5. Get organized

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

1. Watermelon
2. Caramel candy corn
3. Carrots and cucumbers with dip
4. Pita and tzatkizi (or asiago dip)
5. Mini quiches

Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire.

I’d have all our debt paid off, get a slightly bigger house and pay that off too, have 2 paid off cars, and travel around the world.  I’d also use my money to help out my family – and to give to my favorite organizations.

Name some places you have lived.

Somewhere in Europe and somewhere in North America.

Name some bad habits you have.

I’m a procrastinator.  I have trouble saying no – even when it’s to my own detriment.  I tend to overbook myself.  I have good intentions, but lack follow-though.  I like throwing my clothes onto my dresser until it becomes a mountain and everything needs to be ironed – or washed to get the dog hair off… Re-washing clothes because I forgot about them and they’ve been sitting in the washer too long…

Name some jobs you have had.

Retail for a couple weeks at a time, and then office jobs and volunteering.
And, now, I don’t really know how to tag people in this, so whoever else wants to do it…. :)

Back to basics

Last month was the first month we threw the Shettles method out the window. I feel like I gave it a fair try – 5 or 6 months. With no success. I gave AMP fair warning, that if we weren’t pregnant by December, then I was done with the Shettles method, and we’d go to good ol’ fashioned way of getting pregnant – not worrying about boy or girl. I think it’s easier for me than AMP. While I would love to have a girl, eventually, I’m thrilled with the idea of having a little boy. After my sister had her little boy, my anxieties about having a boy melted away. And, frankly, in comparison to my niece, my nephew is EASY.

And, I figure, we’re planning on having more than one anyways, so who cares if the first is a boy and not a girl (other than AMP – he obviously cares just a little).

January was our first month of ‘back to basics’ – and no success. And I took it surprisingly well.

This month we’re trying to not miss any ‘important’ days – so we’ll see how it goes. I would really like to be pregnant this month.. It would be an amazing anniversary present…

But, of course, it’s out of my control. All I can do is hope and pray…

This month I didn’t turn off the light, climb into bed and cry.

This month I didn’t cry longingly, or scream in frustration.

We did everything we could… And, it wasn’t enough.

But, there’s always next month.

And, while there are moments when the impatience overwhelms me, each month I also see a benefit.. whether it’s more debt paid off, or AMP just a little more excited about the prospect.  :) 

So, I wait…

48

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope.. But, I did have a different name for the first few days of my life..

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Last week… hm.. that might actually be a record for me lately.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Nope.. I don’t mind my printing, when I’m being nice and neat.. But I hate my handwriting.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Mortadella.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No… :(  But not for lack of trying.. hopefully soon.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Maybe… If I liked the quiet type.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Um.. no?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yup.. Never had anything removed :)

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Maybe when I was 18 and thought I was invincible.. Not so much anymore.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Granola

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Too lazy for that.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically – no.. total weakling.
Emotionally – sometimes.. as long as it has nothing to do with waiting.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Brownies & Cookie Dough

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Whether they are happy or sad, friendly or anti-social.

15. RED OR PINK?
Red

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My skin (seriously, shouldn’t acne be done by the time you stop being a teen?!), my weight, my lack of willpower to exercise, my inability to keep my house clean, and my impatience…

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My grandfather

18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
Cleaning windows

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
What shoes?  Unless I’m walking, I’m barefoot

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Chicken nuggets

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of my typing and the dog barking in his dreams

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Cookies, cinnamon, vanilla

24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU?
Completely unimportant.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Beach house – from where I can see the mountains.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown

28. EYE COLOR?
Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
All the time

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Sushi, pasta, bread.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Friends with Kids

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Green

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer

35. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Cake

36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Strength — I HATE cardio

37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Television while playing on my smartphone.. :)

38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Hmm.. a romance novel (guilty pleasure… )

39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Don’t have one

40. FAVORITE SOUND?
The ocean

41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?
Alternative

42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Europe

43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Impatience, worrying, over-thinking, procrastinating

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Somewhere in Europe :)

45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
North America

46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Green and beige

47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Blue

48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48 QUESTIONS?
Feel like I’m in high school again.. ;)

Hypothetical

P question

If you’ve been hanging out here a while, you know that I tend to obsess and worry about things long before it’s necessary for me to do so.  Which leads me to spending a lot of wasted time thinking up hypothetical scenarios that often don’t ever end up happening.

But, it’s what I do.

Which is why, even though I’m not yet pregnant, I’m already worrying and trying to decide on when I’m going to spill the beans.

Doesn’t help that AMP and I have different views on the matter.

I want to share the news with my immediate family and closest friends right away.  These are the people who know about my miscarriage – and the people I would tell if I miscarried again. 

I know that if I miscarry again – this time it’ll devastate me.  It hurt so much the first time and I didn’t even really realize I was pregnant – imagine this time, when we’ve been trying and waiting.  I’ll make it through – but it’ll be oh so hard. 

But, should I let that fear keep me from sharing my news?

Also, I don’t want to be ‘found out’ and miss out on surprising people my way.  I have all these plans in my head on how to tell my parents and my siblings – and I don’t want it ruined by them guessing before I tell them.

With other people – I think I’d try to wait to as close to 12 weeks – mostly for AMP’s sake… Because I know he’d rather we wait.  But, I think after waiting so long to try and then trying for 6+ months, that it’ll be hard for me to keep it to myself.

I know it’s silly – but I think about these things.. and maybe obsess about it.
When did you share your news with family and friends?  How did you do it?