there better be only one baby in there…
10 weeks pregnant :)
I’m pregnant!
I was thinking of finding some super cute way of announcing it – but honestly, I’m so exhausted and nauseous that it took me this long to even get to those two words.
I’ve announced it to most of my family, and a few close friends, and the rest of the world is subject to just speculating until I get to 12 weeks (only 4 weeks away!!)
Baby due November 2013. :)
(I’ll be back soon to bore you with details)
This month I didn’t turn off the light, climb into bed and cry.
This month I didn’t cry longingly, or scream in frustration.
We did everything we could… And, it wasn’t enough.
But, there’s always next month.
And, while there are moments when the impatience overwhelms me, each month I also see a benefit.. whether it’s more debt paid off, or AMP just a little more excited about the prospect. :)
So, I wait…
If you’ve been hanging out here a while, you know that I tend to obsess and worry about things long before it’s necessary for me to do so. Which leads me to spending a lot of wasted time thinking up hypothetical scenarios that often don’t ever end up happening.
But, it’s what I do.
Which is why, even though I’m not yet pregnant, I’m already worrying and trying to decide on when I’m going to spill the beans.
Doesn’t help that AMP and I have different views on the matter.
I want to share the news with my immediate family and closest friends right away. These are the people who know about my miscarriage – and the people I would tell if I miscarried again.
I know that if I miscarry again – this time it’ll devastate me. It hurt so much the first time and I didn’t even really realize I was pregnant – imagine this time, when we’ve been trying and waiting. I’ll make it through – but it’ll be oh so hard.
But, should I let that fear keep me from sharing my news?
Also, I don’t want to be ‘found out’ and miss out on surprising people my way. I have all these plans in my head on how to tell my parents and my siblings – and I don’t want it ruined by them guessing before I tell them.
With other people – I think I’d try to wait to as close to 12 weeks – mostly for AMP’s sake… Because I know he’d rather we wait. But, I think after waiting so long to try and then trying for 6+ months, that it’ll be hard for me to keep it to myself.
I know it’s silly – but I think about these things.. and maybe obsess about it.
When did you share your news with family and friends? How did you do it?
English: Silhouette or a pregnant woman and her partner. The woman is in advanced pregnancy at about 39 wks gestation. The flickr photographer reports that this is an edited image. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Last night, I made a passing attempt at seducing my husband.
Honestly, I knew it wouldn’t work. He’s still getting over his crazy cold – which means he’s not sleeping well, so after a 9.5 hour workday, a little shopping and driving out to buy more fish stuff, he was exhausted.
So, yes, it didn’t work – which is fine.
I can take a little rejection here and there.
A few minutes later, he paused the show and asked me if it was a day we were ‘supposed to’ because if it was, then we definitely could.
And, I have to say I loved him for being willing – especially since when we first got married, kids were not going to be part of the equation.
But, it also kind of stung.
Even though I know that the average couple takes 6 months to get pregnant, I naively thought that we’d decide and we’d be pregnant soon after. Even after the miscarriage – I figured if we could get pregnant while I was on the pill – what would be so hard about getting pregnant when we were actively trying.
I don’t want sex to be a chore. Something that has to be done. Something that is planned.
Right now, baby making should be all about the fun.
Which would be easy if I didn’t have an obsessive personality and if I could keep myself from tracking days…We haven’t been trying for very long and I’m already being ridiculous…
But, on the other hand, I don’t want to get caught up in the day-to-day craziness of life and miss the window of opportunity for the month.
Uggh.. Guess I can’t have it both ways.
English: A calendar like a clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
AMP and I have very different opinions when it comes to certain things.One of these things is: the right age to have children.
We both realize that there’s no perfect age, and that everyone is different.. We both have an idea of what we’d prefer, and we’re very much on opposite ends.
For example, I’m 27, and if I had it my way I’d be done having kids, or just having my second. Basically, having started at 25 (which I would have been if I hadn’t miscarried – but let’s ignore that).
AMP, on the other hand, favors waiting until you are older. He says you’re more experienced and settled in life, more mature.
Which I agree with, of course.
But, I also think that there’s something to be said for youth – for having more energy, for better being able to handle the sleepless nights.
It could be partly because my parents were young – having had me at 20/21 and my brother at 23/24, so at 47/48 they are already child-free again.
It could be partly because most of my cousins already have children and I am sad that my child will not be the same age.
What’s done is done, and there’s no turning back, but I definitely feel a bit rushed now. Wanting to get pregnant right away – to be done having kids by 30.
On the other hand, it’s nice that we’ll have been married 5 years-ish before we have children – and had more time to get to know each other, to be comfortable and secure in our relationship.
There’s no right or wrong, but I can’t help feeling like I’m behind sometimes…
What’s your take?
Wal calendar (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
TTC and AF and TWW and BFN and BFP — all acronyms I vaguely knew, but now am fluent in.
I’ve joined a Trying to Conceive (TTC) forum.. thought maybe it would distract me.
Turns out I was wrong.
It’s already hard not to ‘symptom spot’ and obsess whether a random wave of nausea is a pregnancy symptom or just a touch of flu. Or if my breasts are actually sore, or just a result of me poking them constantly.
But, it does help to read other people’s stories. To know not everyone gets pregnant right away. That many people go through months of trying without a positive test.
And, to know what are actually pregnancy symptoms from real people and not just Google.
Two more days till my period is supposed to show up, and I finally get to know if this month is the month, or we’re waiting till fall.
This waiting is harder than I thought.
A while ago, in response to some comment I made, my husband asked me if it matters to me that I have children before my brother and his wife do – my brother and his wife who are 3 and 6 years younger than me respectively, who live in my parent’s basement, married less than a year, and have jobs that barely provide them for the necessities of life.
If I recall correctly I stayed silent and waited till he forgot he even asked the question and pretended the whole conversation never happened.
I want to say no, it doesn’t matter to me. After all, it doesn’t matter to my husband, who although the oldest of four, did not produce the first (and only) grandchild on his side. It doesn’t matter to him at all. If this decision was left to him, he could easily wait a few more years before even considering this step – because he’s perfectly content with the way things are.
But, let’s be honest here – it does matter to me. I want my child to be the first grandchild for my parents. I was the first to get married; the first to buy a house; shouldn’t I be the first to welcome a child into this world? I want to be the one that surprises my parents with the news of their changed status. I want my child to be the first one who calls my mom and dad nonna and nonno (Italian for grandma and grandpa).
I know it sounds silly to most people – but it’s the way I feel.
However, my sister-in-law is baby obsessed and I have a feeling that she’s going to beat me to it… And, speeding the timetable along just to be first is ridiculous (and AMP would never ever go for it).
But, I know that being second, especially second to my much younger sister-in-law, will sting. I know that I will be resentful of being left behind again. And, I know that those feelings suck.
So, I hope it doesn’t happen… Or for the strength to be a bigger person if it does…
“And we can sell our house and drive down and live in Brazil. I’ll be Ricardo. Your name can be… Miranda…”
I interrupt my husband in the middle of his plan to flee our current life and ask him why his ‘imaginary’ futures never seem to have children in it.
His response was to ask me why mine never involve just the two of us. Why I don’t want it to be just him and me?
I was quite effectively silenced (though I’m not sure that was his intent).
It brought to surface one of my greatest fears – making the wrong decision on whether or not to have a child. Especially because it is mostly my decision – it is something my husband is willing to do because I want it – and not because it’s his lifelong dream to be a father. I love just the two of us, but I want a baby of our own. He loves just the two of us but he says he’ll be happy with expanding our little family, if I’m happy.
But I worry that he’ll resent me for this huge change to our lives.
And, I worry that I’ll be resentful if we don’t make this change.
The Undomestic Housewife 