And…

I’m pregnant!

I was thinking of finding some super cute way of announcing it – but honestly, I’m so exhausted and nauseous that it took me this long to even get to those two words.

I’ve announced it to most of my family, and a few close friends, and the rest of the world is subject to just speculating until I get to 12 weeks (only 4 weeks away!!)

Baby due November 2013. :)

(I’ll be back soon to bore you with details)

This month I didn’t turn off the light, climb into bed and cry.

This month I didn’t cry longingly, or scream in frustration.

We did everything we could… And, it wasn’t enough.

But, there’s always next month.

And, while there are moments when the impatience overwhelms me, each month I also see a benefit.. whether it’s more debt paid off, or AMP just a little more excited about the prospect.  :) 

So, I wait…

Hypothetical

P question

If you’ve been hanging out here a while, you know that I tend to obsess and worry about things long before it’s necessary for me to do so.  Which leads me to spending a lot of wasted time thinking up hypothetical scenarios that often don’t ever end up happening.

But, it’s what I do.

Which is why, even though I’m not yet pregnant, I’m already worrying and trying to decide on when I’m going to spill the beans.

Doesn’t help that AMP and I have different views on the matter.

I want to share the news with my immediate family and closest friends right away.  These are the people who know about my miscarriage – and the people I would tell if I miscarried again. 

I know that if I miscarry again – this time it’ll devastate me.  It hurt so much the first time and I didn’t even really realize I was pregnant – imagine this time, when we’ve been trying and waiting.  I’ll make it through – but it’ll be oh so hard. 

But, should I let that fear keep me from sharing my news?

Also, I don’t want to be ‘found out’ and miss out on surprising people my way.  I have all these plans in my head on how to tell my parents and my siblings – and I don’t want it ruined by them guessing before I tell them.

With other people – I think I’d try to wait to as close to 12 weeks – mostly for AMP’s sake… Because I know he’d rather we wait.  But, I think after waiting so long to try and then trying for 6+ months, that it’ll be hard for me to keep it to myself.

I know it’s silly – but I think about these things.. and maybe obsess about it.
When did you share your news with family and friends?  How did you do it?

There’s no ‘supposed to’

English: Silhouette or a pregnant woman and he...

English: Silhouette or a pregnant woman and her partner. The woman is in advanced pregnancy at about 39 wks gestation. The flickr photographer reports that this is an edited image. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last night, I made a passing attempt at seducing my husband.

Honestly, I knew it wouldn’t work.  He’s still getting over his crazy cold – which means he’s not sleeping well, so after a 9.5 hour workday, a little shopping and driving out to buy more fish stuff, he was exhausted.

So, yes, it didn’t work – which is fine.

I can take a little rejection here and there.

A few minutes later, he paused the show and asked me if it was a day we were ‘supposed to’ because if it was, then we definitely could.

And, I have to say I loved him for being willing – especially since when we first got married, kids were not going to be part of the equation.

But, it also kind of stung.

Even though I know that the average couple takes 6 months to get pregnant, I naively thought that we’d decide and we’d be pregnant soon after.  Even after the miscarriage – I figured if we could get pregnant while I was on the pill – what would be so hard about getting pregnant when we were actively trying.

I don’t want sex to be a chore.  Something that has to be done.  Something that is planned.

Right now, baby making should be all about the fun.

Which would be easy if I didn’t have an obsessive personality and if I could keep myself from tracking days…We haven’t been trying for very long and I’m already being ridiculous…

But, on the other hand, I don’t want to get caught up in the day-to-day craziness of life and miss the window of opportunity for the month.

Uggh.. Guess I can’t have it both ways.

Ticking clocks…

English: A calendar like a clock

English: A calendar like a clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

AMP and I have very different opinions when it comes to certain things.One of these things is: the right age to have children.

We both realize that there’s no perfect age, and that everyone is different.. We both have an idea of what we’d prefer, and we’re very much on opposite ends.

For example, I’m 27, and if I had it my way I’d be done having kids, or just having my second.  Basically, having started at 25 (which I would have been if I hadn’t miscarried – but let’s ignore that).

AMP, on the other hand, favors waiting until you are older.  He says you’re more experienced and settled in life, more mature.

Which I agree with, of course.

But, I also think that there’s something to be said for youth – for having more energy, for better being able to handle the sleepless nights.

It could be partly because my parents were young – having had me at 20/21 and my brother at 23/24, so at 47/48 they are already child-free again.

It could be partly because most of my cousins already have children and I am sad that my child will not be the same age.

What’s done is done, and there’s no turning back, but I definitely feel a bit rushed now.  Wanting to get pregnant right away – to be done having kids by 30.

On the other hand, it’s nice that we’ll have been married 5 years-ish before we have children – and had more time to get to know each other, to be comfortable and secure in our relationship.

There’s no right or wrong, but I can’t help feeling like I’m behind sometimes…

What’s your take?