2013

When we got married in 2008, I thought I’d be ok with not having any kids.  Less than a year later, I already knew that I had been fooling myself.

Poor AMP was actually quite supportive – considering I’d changed everything.  He said, maybe in 2013 – the year we celebrate 5 years married.

I thought that was a ridiculously long time away.  I thought I could convince him to maybe change his timeline.. Which I guess I did, because he agreed to start trying in April of 2012 for a January 2013 baby.. But, now we are at 2013 and we’re still trying.. So maybe this is the year we’re supposed to get pregnant.. :) 

So, here’s to hoping that 2013 is our year.. the year we celebrate five years, the year we welcome a baby into our family.. And a year of health and happiness. :)

 

 

always my baby

Sometimes the hardest part is the not knowing — the not knowing whether to refer to the baby as a he or a she… being forced to use the despised ‘it’.

There are moments when I can live with the not knowing if the baby would have had brown eyes like mommy and daddy – or somehow inherited grandma’s green eyes…if the baby’s hair would be curly – or defied all odds and be stick straight.

But not knowing the basic fact of whether it was a boy or a girl – that feels unbearable.

Oftentimes I refer to it as ‘her’.  But sometimes, I think of ‘him’ – a little golden-haired baby – a precocious toddler.  It’s the boy I can imagine more – I picture a mirror image of his daddy – the pictures I have of my husband as a baby or toddler fueling my imagination.

The baby  would be two this year.  Two.  Not a baby anymore.  A child – toddler – running around asking why a million times a day…

My life would have been drastically different.

The other hard part – that while I wish with everything I have that I could have that baby – I also am glad we had more time as a couple.  We would have loved the baby – but two years ago we weren’t ready – it would have been more difficult – a strain.

And, how horrible is that… to be glad of that?  It’s as if I’m saying I’m glad that baby was never born.  The baby I try so hard to picture – but whose face eludes me.  The baby I never knew – and yet miss all the time.

The baby that now will always be a baby to me.. Never a toddler, child or teenager… just a faceless, nameless baby.

But still my baby.

Walking

Early this year I bought an elliptical.  Honestly, I haven’t used it very much.

I get on it and do 10 minutes here or there.  But, mostly it sits unused in the corner.  Out of sight, out of mind.

But, I have been walking more.

The dog desperately needs the exercise (and to learn to go against his nature and not pull me down the streets) and I enjoy it.

We usually do long-ish walks.  Anywhere between an hour to two hours – depending on when during the day we go and what my plans are.

This whole winter and it being dark at 5 really throws a wrench in my after work walks.  Not that I feel nervous about walking at night if I have the dog with me.  Though he’s a big ball of fluff, he looks pretty intimidating and most people don’t realize that huskies make the worst guard dogs in history.  Especially mine.  He loves being around people and saying hi.

So, we walk, three to four times a week.

It’s even better now with my new phone.  Yesterday, I tried my new app MapMyRun and it tells me how long I’ve been walking, how far I went, and how many calories I burned.  For example, I learned, I can walk 3.3 miles in one hour, burning 272 calories.

Plus, now I can listen to music as I walk.

Maybe soon I’ll be jogging… Maybe even running.

 

 

Connected

I’ve wanted an iPhone for years…ever since my husband got his and I started playing on it.  But, I was stuck in a contract.. and iPhones are expensive… So I waited.

But, in October, I was given the option to renew early – plus my wireless company offers a reward system where I had reward dollars saved up so that I could afford my new phone (after the reward dollars and some other credits offered, the 32gb cost me $40).

So, I ordered it.  Gleefully.

And on Saturday, after 29 days of waiting, my iPhone 5 arrived in store for me to pick up.

So, I have now officially joined the ranks of smartphone users.

And I love it.

It`s so handy. 

I can check my e-mails and facebook on the go.

I can keep my schedule handy – and link it to my husband`s phone so he knows what`s going on in our lives.

I can create a shopping list and divide it up into categories and check off what I`ve bought – without worrying about accidentaly leaving the list at home.

I can listen to music as I walk the dog.

I can track the miles I walk as well – and the calories I`ve burned.

I can track what I`ve eaten on the go.

I already feel more organized. 

It`s awesome.

Now, to find some good games to play on this thing.. :)

TGIF

I work, on average, about 35 hours a week.  Usually only 15 of them are in an office (and those 15 are the only ones I get paid for).

My job in the office consists of sitting at my desk, writing cheques and doing other bookkeeping-like activities.  There’s some data entry. 

Once every few months I’ll have calls come in for me. 

Once and a while, I help out and grab a few calls for the receptionist.

But, usually, phones are not a part of my job description.

Except for the couple weeks a year where I get roped in to doing reception – then I have to answer phones 7.5  hours a day, five days a week.

Have we discussed yet my absolute dislike for talking on the phone?

And, in an office it’s even worse.  Because people are rude and demanding and you have to be polite – because it’s your job.

Plus it’s 3x days of working.. and while the money is awesome.. it throws my whole schedule out of whack.

So, at the end of the week, I’m a tired, cranky person – with a mile long to do list at home.

At least it’s Friday.  And next week, I’ll only have to work one extra day instead of 3. 

What job do you hate the most doing at your office/work?

November

Only two months left in 2012… And, things aren’t quite as I pictured them.

I really thought I’d be halfway through a pregnancy by this time.  And that we’d have more debt paid off.  And, that we would have made progress in moving. 

But, we’re not.

And, really that’s ok.

As much as I would have loved to be pregnant already – the more we wait, the more time we have to enjoy just the two of us.  We got to enjoy our New York trip with no pregnancy related issues.  And, I get to soak up lots and lots of 9+ hrs of sleep a night.

The debt will come.  Slowly, but it will.  And, the same with the house.  No sense wasting time and energy worrying about all that stuff.

Just enjoy one day at a time.

 

Overwhelmed

This summer is proving to be the busiest summer I’ve had in a long time.  Ironic considering it’s the first summer in years where I have some time off from my volunteer schedule. 

But, I feel overwhelmed.

My to-do lists keep getting longer and longer.

And, there are more and more of them.

My to-do list before the weekend.

My to-do list before September.

My to-do list before New York.

My to-do list before conceiving.

My to-do list before …

There are so many lists, and so many items on each list, and not very many lines crossed out. 

And the clock keeps ticking.

I think I need a nap…

 

 

Yes, I googled…

Seven-inch stilettos… Mine are only 4-inch (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

I don’t consider myself a girly girl. 

Yes, I’m mostly in dresses and skirts (hazards of the job). 

Yes, I’m mostly wearing make-up.

But, I’m not strict about making sure my crazy hair is all set into place.  My nails are almost never done, and I’m more likely to slip on ballet flats than 4-inch stilettos.

Which is what found me googling ‘how to walk in heels’.

I love shoes.  And I love the look and elegance of heels.  But because of my penchant for wearing flats or kitten heels, I’m a little like a baby deer in heels.

Which means that the five-minute walk to the bank at lunch today is going to be a very long walk.. Maybe work wasn’t the best place to break in new heels.

Sometimes I wish we were born knowing how to do all the things we want to do..

Any skills you are trying to master?

Murphy’s Law no. 1386

A pregnant woman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rule no. 1386 – When you want something very badly that you can’t have yet, everyone around you will have it.

There are very few people who know about my baby plans.

One of these is my best friend since we were 8, Elia.

Elia and I went shopping on Monday, down to the outlet malls,  where we saw, not one, not two, not five, but twenty-six different pregnant women walking around shopping.

Twenty-six!

Thanks for the reminder universe.

But, wait… That’s not people I know.  Can’t just leave it at that.

Two more pregnancy annoucements.

One from my aunt whose doctor told her she couldn’t have kids, and she’s been married a whole two minutes and is now pregnant.

My turn to start trying is only 70 days away (YAY!), but I would kind of appreciate it if the universe stopped throwing pregnant people in my path in the meantime.  It’s hard enough being ‘patient’ without baby bumps mocking me at every turn.

p.s. I’m thrilled for my aunt, and all my friends.  And, I’m enjoying my pregnancy-free, baby-free time… But, just thought I’d make a comment on how annoying Murphy can be, haha.

Life in Undomestic Land

The thing about trying to get pregnant when you’re already an overanalyzer and research addict is that you do things like google: “8dpo allergy symptoms” “tww 8dpo symptoms with bfp”.

Seriously, I should be banned from google.

And, this month we weren’t even trying, really.  Though, we did push our cut-off date for sex a little further than I should have when I wasn’t paying as strict attention to the calendar as I should have.

Which means, I’m analyzing everything again.

And, will continue to till my period shows up right on schedule on Monday.

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Our puppy is now just over one years old.  We’ve completed three levels of obedience course, with him just finishing his Advanced Level One which he passed with 94%.  Yay ShNo!  He still has a lot of work to do (huskies are horrible on recall — and seem to feel that listening is optional), but I see a lot of improvement.  We’re spending a lot of time training him – because I figure that the better behaved he is, the easier it will be when we bring a baby home.  Plus, it’s kinda fun.

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Family drama never seems to end… It’s not something I talk about on this blog, but it’s so ridiculous and it amazes me how immature people can be.  And, how us younger ones are more capable of acting like adults than some of the older ones.

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I’m addicted to pinterest…. I spend a lot of time on there on my personal site, but am trying to do more on my pinterest for this blog..  I’ve found millions of ideas I’d like to try – too bad I don’t have the time or money for them.

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The ridiculous basement is almost done.  We’re down to baseboards and painting doors.  Hoping it gets done before our NY trip.  After which we’ll turn around and sell the house and buy a place where we can actually rent out a portion of the house, making the mortgage payments a little easier to handle when we have a baby.

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92 days till New York!! :)

Maybe time to actually start planning the details of that trip… :)

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Losing weight is not going well… Seems easy to come up with excuses to put off using the elliptical – or to eat something junky.  But, I’m trying to be more conscientious.. Hard the last couple days because I’m starving ALL THE TIME!  So not helping.